


Syncopation

by dahdeemohn



Category: World Wrestling Entertainment
Genre: Alcohol, Alternate Universe - Music Store, Blind Date, Crushes, M/M, Self Confidence Issues
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-05-26
Updated: 2016-08-29
Packaged: 2018-07-10 10:15:52
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 11
Words: 34,693
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6979618
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/dahdeemohn/pseuds/dahdeemohn
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Record Store/Coffee Shop AU</p><p>Finn Balor, an assistant professor and migrant to Portsmouth, NH, meets friendly record store owner Sami Zayn, and the two bond over music, comics, and coffee.</p><p>And maybe eventually kiss.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> I've been trying to work on this for a few months. This is the absolute most indulgent thing ever.

Outside, the rain showed no sign of slowing down on a cold November afternoon in Portsmouth, New Hampshire. The weather had just started its late Autumn transition only a week ago, and already it was impossible to recall the beautiful array of fiery leaves that lined the hills and highways and what the sky looked like in other tone aside gray. Deep puddles hard started to form among the cobblestone streets and the back alley sidewalks that were less cared for than the ones in front of the high end boutique shops. It was just Finn Balor’s luck that he had elected to search for some record store off of the beaten path today, when New England weather was at its finest, but with mid-terms approaching and more students than usual needing a sympathetic body to breakdown in front of, he didn’t have much time to get out lately.

“These reviews had better be accurate,” he grumbled to himself as he felt water starting to seep into his trainers. Maybe it would have been easier to stick with the place that he had started shopping at when he first moved here, but the owner had been such an insufferable elitist jerk, and several times had even gone so far as to openly mock Finn’s purchases, so he didn’t really have much desire to give his patronage to someone so obviously miserable. Such poor business practices certainly weren’t advised in a day and age when finding an alternative was as easy as having good cellphone reception, and that’s exactly what Finn had done, but now he was soaking wet in some random alley, spurred on by reviews from strangers on the internet that promised that the place he was looking for was unquestionably best in the area; however, it could also be argued that it was poor business practice to own a business that couldn’t be located. Finally, after what felt like a lifetime in a concrete labyrinth, he found a sign dangling above a heavy-looking door for New, Xchange, and Trade Records. Why on earth was it called that? Weren’t “exchange” and “trade” the same things?

A short hallway practically wallpapered with posters and stickers for local areas bands and shows lead into the main store, which was warm and dry, and the smell of cardboard and plastic wrap was both comforting and inviting. While the square footage wasn’t particularly impressive, the use of vertical space made up for it, with a few step ladders dispensed throughout the floor in a similar fashion to that of a library. Shockingly, it lacked the distinct scent of mold, but when Finn spotted a large dehumidifier in the corner humming away, he had to admit to himself that he was a little impressed.

“Hi there!” Called out an amicable voice from off to the side, and Finn turned his head to acknowledge it. From behind a glass display counter, a friendly looking bearded man smiled and waved, and Finn waved back. “How’s it going?”

“It goes. Yourself?” Finn responded, not exactly in the mood for small talk, but the general disposition of this employee seemed so pleasant that he didn’t mind, either.

“I’m doing well! Let me know if you need help finding anything, OK?”

“You got it, mate.” Finn nodded, then turned his attention to the merchandise as the other man busied himself with a turntable behind the counter, and a short while later the unmistakeable heavy bass guitar and aggressive vocals of a punk album started to play through the store’s PA. There was quite the massive collection of albums from local area talent, with a few zines scattered around for good measure, but Finn’s interest was drawn to the more niche genres and he was blown away by the immense amount of EDM and hip hop records, and the equally impressive amount of rare Bootlegs. As he thumbed through the trip-hop section, something quite unbelievable caught his attention: a double vinyl of Sneaker Pimps’ ‘Bloodsport’ album, for far less than the market value price. A quick check of his bank account balance from his phone assured Finn that he could afford it, and he carried his treasure with him up to the register.

“Find everything OK?” the employee asked, then looked down at the merchandise and whistled. “Oh man, isn’t this sweet? It’s red vinyl, too. Not as rare as the white one that I’ve heard about, but it’s still so rad.”

“Yeah, I was shocked to see it. Is this the right price?” Finn inquired, uncertain if he just shot himself in the foot over such a bargain.

“Sure is.” He punched a few keys into the register, and while still looking at the monitor, asked, “So where are you from?”

“Hm?” Finn responded as he pulled his wallet out, and when he looked up to hand over his credit card, he was greeted by another friendly smile.

“Your accent. I take it that you’re not from New England.”

“Oh, yeah. I’m from Ireland, actually. Migrated here for a teaching gig.”

“Ah, that’s cool. What do you teach?” He took the credit card and swiped it.

“Illustration and fine art for now.”

“Oh, you’re an artist?” He handed back the credit card and waited for the receipt to print out. “I’m Sami, by the way. I own this place.”

“Yeah, just finished my graduate program, so this is the next step on my journey.” Finn took the merchant’s copy of the receipt and a pen to sign his name. “I’m Finn. Wonderful shop you’ve got. Not sure how you make money selling vinyls at that cost, though.”

“Hey, just because I don’t price gouge doesn’t mean I’m gonna go bankrupt. Record collecting’s an addictive and expensive enough hobby as it is, why contribute to something bad that oughta be fun and accessible?”

“That’s awfully generous for a business owner.”

“It gets people to spend money though, doesn’t it? You just gave me $180 for this little gem, after all.”

“Clever.” Finn smirked, unable to come up with a better retort, and awaited for Sami to hand over the bag with his new purchase. When it was finally in his position, he noticed that it had been bagged several times and looked back up at Sami.

“It’s wet out there, don’t want to risk any damage.” Sami beamed, as though he was the sun itself on this grey and miserable day. “By the way, if there’s anything that you’re ever looking for, let me know and I’ll see if I can get ahold of it for you.”

“Thanks, mate. Can’t think of anything right now, but I’ll hit you up when I do.”

“Sounds good. Take care, Finn.”

“You too, Sami.”

Finn shoved his purchase underneath his coat before venturing back outside, where the weather was far less welcoming, and managed to find his way back to the main street, where he saw a huge window display for Sami’s record shop and realized that he had gone the long way around and could have avoided all of that time spent trying to locate it. Soaked clothing aside, it had absolutely been worth the trip, and his brief interaction with Sami was much nicer than almost every other person he had dealt with during his stay in New England so far. When he got back to his apartment, his opened the plastic off of the record and popped in onto his turntable, then fired up his laptop, opened a bottle of merlot, and wrote a lengthy positive review about his experience on Yelp.

 

Since the computer lab aide had caught some nasty illness, Finn had been volunteered by the department head to stay after class and help students with their final assignments. The few scraps of peace that he'd have from someone's venting or nervous breakdown, he'd quickly jot down different albums that Sami could possibly locate for him. A lot of the stuff that came to mind were out of print and not exactly something that he had actively sought out, and realistically he didn’t need a copy of The Crystal Method’s ‘Vegas’ LP, but he had every intent on putting the friendly record store owner to the test. 

A Google search of when the store closed and a glance on the clock confirmed that Finn that he wouldn’t have time to head down today, and he sighed. It didn’t matter when he ran the list over to Sami, but an escape from the stress and negativity of the lab would have been welcome. To make matters worse, he still had a stack of assignments to go over from the History of Graphic Design students that the professor had pawned off on him, so it was likely that he’d have to pull an all-nighter. Thank goodness the cafe that he lived above stayed open late during finals, as he wasn’t quite ready to go home, either.

Once the lab was finally cleared out and Finn had locked up, he loaded everything into his satchel, retrieved his bike, and pedalled towards downtown. He didn’t have classes until 10:00am the next morning, so if he took a shower after his visit to the cafe and skipped jogging tomorrow as well, he could realistically stay up until maybe 3:30am and still be somewhat functional when he woke. As the soft glow of the cafe came into view, he pumped the brakes and pulled over, then lifted the bike and brought it up the stairwell that lead to his apartment. Once it sat securely in the entryway of his kitchen, he bounded down the stairs and pushed open the door of the little shop, greeted by the heavenly aroma of coffee. Finn’s favorite barista was behind the counter, a friendly brunette that kept her hair up in a side ponytail, and she double-checked to make sure that he wanted his usual before she prepared it.

“Bayley, could I trouble you for an extra shot of espresso?” Finn asked as she rung him out.

“Of course! Late night, huh?” She took his cash, “forgetting” to charge the $1 for the espresso, which he gladly added to his already generous tip.

“Unfortunately. Suppose it’s something I should be getting used to, though.” Finn tried to keep his voice unbeat as Bayley frowned at him, unused to seeing her in anything other than a cheerful state.

“Still sucks!” She called behind her shoulder as she prepared his beverage and handed it over. “Alright, get to work, mister! Don’t let me distract you.”

“Aye captain.” Finn saluted and Bayley giggled, before he retreated to the small corner table that was thankfully vacant. Papers were unloaded and he spread them out, along with a ledger, a pencil, and a pen. He unfolded his reading glasses and put them over the bridge of his nose, then propped an elbow on the table and rested his chin in his palm as he read over the first test. Of course there was an essay portion as well. Goddammit.

The chiming of the bell hung over the doorway had gone off several times, but beyond that and the inoffensive acoustic guitar reworkings of classic rock songs that played over the PA, it was relatively quiet. So far, Finn had knocked out 7 of the 20 papers that he had to grade, and wondered if he should get up and stretch for a bit. 

“SAMI! What can I get for you tonight?” Bayley’s voice rang out through the tranquility, and Finn’s head shot up. It couldn’t be. 

“Hi Bayley! Can I just get a masala latte?” the patron happily responded, and Finn craned his neck and started to stand to get a better look around the corner. From where he was, he could see the back of Bayley’s head, and across the counter someone with red hair and a flat cap. It was definitely Sami. Finn tried to avoid creeping, but he smiled as he heard Bayley goad Sami into also purchasing a slice of lemon poundcake, which she offered at a hefty discount and therefore was an irresistible deal. 

“So, you here all by yourself tonight?” Sami asked before he took a bite, and immediately Finn sat back down, burying his face in another assignment.

“Nah, the upstairs neighbor is hanging out tonight.” Bayley hitched a thumb over her shoulder, and Sami peaked around the corner of the counter to follow where she the direction that she was indicating. Against better judgement, Finn raised his head just high enough to confirm that he was being looked at, and sure enough he and Sami made eye contact. He had been spotted, and the wide grin on Sami’s face most likely meant that he had been recognized.

“What’s going on, professor?” Sami greeted as he sauntered over to Finn’s table. 

“Hi Sami.” Finn waved.

“It’s Finn, right?” Sami suddenly looked guilty, worry obvious on his face over something as simple as potentially forgetting someone’s name.

“It is.” Finn smiled. “How goes it at the shop?”

“Oh, it goes. I’m working on inventory right now, so I gotta burn that midnight oil.” Sami appeared as though he was about to say more, but then looked at the stacks of paper on the table. “Shoot, I’m sorry! Am I interrupting you?”

“Ah.” Finn looked down, then back up at Sami’s face. “You know, I was just about to take a break, anyway. Would you like to join me?”

“Sure!” Sami grinned and took a seat, and Finn felt himself involuntarily grinning back at him. The papers were cleared away and Finn found that small talk with Sami wasn’t awkward or forced. They discussed where they had moved from and why, Sami explained that years ago he had been in a band with his best friend, clarifying several times over that is was his former best friend, and were travelling around finding minor success and gaining traction, but just as they were about to get their big break the former friend elected that it was time to break things off.

“It was a really ugly period of time.” Sami laughed.

“So how’d you end up with a record store?”

“A series of fortunate circumstances.” A bite was taken from the poundcake, and Sami offered a piece to Finn; at first he declined, but Sami insisted that it was really good and broke off a portion for him, and Finn couldn’t say no to his acquaintance’s earnestness. “A few years back at our last show, the previous owner of the record store was there and approached me after to pay a compliment. I sorta vented about how broke I was and how my bandmate had blown it and that I was gonna have to live in the van, and he offered me a job to get back on my feet. Well, he later ended up marrying into money and taking a job with with his wife’s family’s business, so he offered to sell the shop to me instead of closing it.”

“That is fortunate.” Finn agreed, Sami’s enthusiasm so tangible and refreshing. They conversed for a while longer, about the local music scene and eventually Sami asked about the Venom tattoo on Finn’s upper forearm, which lead to the topic of comics and general nerdiness, and a confession that made Finn laugh. “Archie? Really?”

“Well yeah! I dunno, my mom didn’t want me reading Marvel and DC comics when I was a kid because she thought that they were too violent, so I had to sneak them in my bedroom and hide them from her. But she’d always pick up an issue of Archie for me at the grocery store every week, and I still read it. It’s very socially progressive, y’know.” 

“So I’ve heard.” Finn giggled at Sami’s defence of his beloved series. “Y’know, you sorta resemble an Archie character a tad.”

“What’s that supposed to mean?” Sami raised an eyebrow.

“Your hat. The red hair. Your friendly disposition. You’d probably fit right in at Riverdale.”

“I’ll take that as a compliment.” Sami smiled, his eyes so bright. It was hard not to smile along when he did.

“Hey boys, I’m closing up shop in a bit. Gonna have you kick you out. You don’t have to go home but you can’t stay here, etcetera,” Bayley announced from the other side of the cafe as she wiped down tables.

“What time is it?” Finn asked as he glanced at his phone, and saw that it was almost midnight. “How did two hours go by?!”

“Well, I should probably get back to inventory.” Sami stood up and stretched as Finn gathered the remainder of his tools and packed them in his satchel. “Sorry about distracting you, though.”

“No, it’s quite fine. It’s nice to talk to someone that for once isn’t a student on the verge of a crisis or a burnt out faculty member.”

“I gotta imagine that this time of year’s rough.” Sami picked up his own cup and then took Finn’s, as the beverage had been finished over an hour ago, then placed them on the counter for Bayley to collect.

“Oh, you didn’t have to-”

“No worries.” 

As Bayley shooed them away and locked the door, they stood out on the sidewalk, the chill in the air causing Sami to zip his coat up.

“So you live upstairs, huh?” Sami asked, eyes cast upwards.

“I do. It’s quite convenient to not have to make my own coffee in the morning, saves me an extra step.”

“I’m jealous. Must smell wonderful.”

“Mhm.” Finn nodded, and there was a moment of awkward silence. 

“Well, I’ll see you around?” Sami asked, and Finn could have sworn there was a hint of hopefulness in it.

“Yeah. Actually.” Finn reached into his pocket and pulled out a folded up piece of paper, then handed it to Sami.

“What’s this?” Sami turned it over, and then unfolded it.

“You told me if I could think of anything to let you know, and I came up with a few things that I’ve been looking for.”

“Oh yeah, I’d be happy to! I’ll have my guy get right on it.”

“Great, thank you.”

“Can I have your number?”

“My...number?” Finn swallowed.

“Yeah, so I can call you if they come in?”

“Right, yes. Let me get a pen and-” Finn started to pat himself down, trying to remember where he placed it. “Aw man, I think I left it in the cafe.”

“I mean, I can just put it in my phone if that’d be easier.”

“Oh. I guess? That makes sense.” Finn watched as Sami pulled his phone out, then he relayed his phone number to him.

“Alright, should take a few days to get an answer. I’ll call you as soon as I know.”

“Thanks Sami.”

“You got it. Have a good night!”

“You too!”

Finn turned and walked up the steps that lead to his front door. After he got inside, he moved to the bay window and looked out it, just catching sight of Sami before he had vanished into the night.


	2. Chapter 2

Days passed since Finn had encountered Sami in the coffee shop. He had to remind himself that it could take a week for Sami to get back to him about the status of the records, and he wondered if he should have picked more common albums; not that it mattered, he really didn't need anything off of that list, it was just some titles that would have been nice to add to the collection.

He stood in front of the kitchen sink and washed a few dishes, cautious with the tea cups, and gently set them on the drying rack. A dishtowel was grabbed and Finn wiped away the puddles of water that formed on the counter, and wondered if Sami mistyped a number in the dark. It had been cold that night, maybe it was hard to focus. 

This wasn't something that needed worrying about. 

Finn sighed. Why did this occupy his mind? He made his way to the living room, planner and pen grabbed off of the kitchen table, and sat in the wingback recliner that was placed by the non-functional fireplace. There were other things to think about and work on that weren't vinyls, and as Nat King Cole softly played in the background, and Finn wondered if maybe he needed a break or should attempt to socialize. Becky Lynch, a co-worker and the athletic director of the college that they worked at, also a friend from back home and the reason that Finn even had his job, had made several offers to catch up on a day off. Given that there were currently no assignments to grade since finals loomed overhead, now may be the best time to make plans. He drafted a text message, apologizing for how busy he had been and inquiring when it would be a good time to possibly get together, re-reading it a few times to ensure that it sounded sincere, then sent it along. Her response came quickly, asking if he was free that night, and he confirmed that he was, so there were plans made and something to focus on other than grades and phone calls about expensive vinyls. Normally he would have preferred more time to prepare for an outing of any sort, but right now it was better than the current bout of cabin fever. 

Just before 6:00pm, they met up outside of the Music Hall, waiting for the doors open and attempting to keep warm as the windchill threatened frostbite. Above them, a PA system played Spirit of the West’s ‘Home for a Rest’, and Finn giggled at the lyrics.

“Would be better if we were actually drunk right now!” Becky remarked loudly as she shivered. “Christ, what’s the hold up? I have cash money! Let me at the bar!”

A few people in line agreed with her, and Finn laughed louder.

“Good to know not too much has changed after all this time,” he fondly stated, and Becky smiled at him. 

“It’s so fuckin’ good to see you, y’know that?”

“Same, dear. What band’re we seeing tonight?”

“Something a little punk-ish, but not too rowdy. I know how you are, wouldn’t take ya’ to a metal concert or nothin’.”

“Much appreciated.” Finn nodded, then turned around as cheers were heard from the rest of the crowd. “Ah, looks like they’re lettin’ us in.”

“‘BOUT TIME!” Becky shouted, and Finn playfully punched her in the shoulder, hardly even a tap, and she grinned at him. “Ack, abuse!”

“Tough gal like you making a such big fuss? You’re fine.”

They followed along, shuffling in one by one and presented their tickets to the large bouncer, and once they had their wristbands they hurried over to the bar. Becky placed an order for some stout that boasted of chocolate and vanilla hints from a local-area brewery, and Finn ordered a saison that could not claim such characteristics and prestige, yet still seemed even more pretentious given that it was a beer with herbs and spices and whatever other garbage that made Becky turn her nose up at it. 

“So why’d you have an extra ticket? A date duck out on you?” Finn asked after they settled at a table by a large window that overlooked the street.

“Sorta. Not sure if you’ve met Charlotte, she’s a professor in the Nutrition and Dietetics department.”

“Long blonde hair? Met her once or twice.”

“Yeah. Anywho, she’s been ducking out on me a lot lately after makin’ plans. Something’s up with her dad, that’s really all I know. Just sucks that she keeps bailing at the last second.”

“That’s rough. Sorry ‘bout that.”

“Ah well. Glad the ticket went to use, that’s all that matters. And hey, we finally get to see one another! How’ve you BEEN?” Becky put emphasis on the last part, attention now solely on Finn, and he snorted.

“Stressed. Anti-social. I wish I could get out to see more of the city, but I haven’t the time.”

“Yeah, and when you get a second to yourself with the upcoming break, it’ll be too cold to explore.”

“Gotta find more places like this.” Finn looked around, gazing at various tour posters from previous acts that lined the walls.

“I’ll take you to Manchester at some point. They gotta bar up there that you’d love.”

“I do more than drink, y’know.” Finn frowned.

“Speaking of which, can I get you another one?” Becky picked up his empty cup, along with her own.

“Sure. Surprise me. Anything but an IPA.”

“Good man.” 

Finn watched his fiery friend push past everyone at the bar, catching the attention of the bartender with her bravado. Part of him wished that it had worked out between them, but he found that he simply wasn’t wired that way, and Becky assured him that she understood; it was such a shame because his family adored her, but he couldn’t lie to her or them or anyone else, and everyone eventually settled down. Moments later, she reappeared with two more cups, beaconing him to follow her to the balcony that overlooked the floor and stage. 

“This a good spot for you? If you want, we can hang out by the bar.”

“Yeah, this’ll be fine. Sorry I’m like this, you can go down there and mosh out when the time comes if that’s what you want, I won’t be offended.”

“Nah, no worries.” Becky smiled at him and gave his arm a reassuring squeeze. “We’ll be able to see the band better from here.”

The first act to take the stage introduced themselves as The Pity Whores, proudly proclaiming that they were the first punk band to play on The Jerry Springer show, and proceeded to play a sequence of songs no longer than two minutes in length about topics that spanned from being a loser and having to get a job, to the Wetsboro Bapist Church and what an asshole Fred Phelps was. Finn affectionately watched Becky get way too into the aggressive riffs, completely unrestrained and hollering after every song ended. The beer had at last kicked in, and he found himself coasting on a buzz, which made the crowd setting less stressful. Once the band announced their final song, Finn managed to get Becky’s attention, and let her know that he was off to get them both some water.

Luckily, the bar was mostly vacant, which would likely change as soon as there was there was a brief intermission. Finn was able to grab two cups of water with ease, then cautiously carried them back with him to meet up with Becky again. However, before he was able to reach his destination, someone had bumped into him from behind and one of the cups spilled all over the floor.

“Oh my god, I’m so sor-”

“Careful there, mate!” Finn turned around, agitated with the bumbling intruder, but came face-to-face with a genuinely apologetic looking Sami. “Oh. Oh gosh, hey there.”

“Finn? Shoot, I’m really sorry! Here, let me go get a towel, I’ll be right back!” Sami scurried off, and Finn stood perfectly still as he waited, warning people as they walked past him to watch their step due to the wet floor. With an armload of paper towels, Sami returned, stammering apologies as he wiped away at the floor. “I’m so sorry, man! I’m such a dumbass, I swear.”

“Nah, it happens to the best of us.” Finn brushed it off as he watched Sami work.

“Still!” Sami finally stood up, then moved to throw the used paper towels in a nearby trash bin, and Finn followed close behind. When Sami turned back around, he seemed surprised that Finn accompanied him, but that quickly gave way to a warm smile. “So! Are you uh...fan of Ted Leo?”

“To be honest, I’ve never even heard of him until tonight. Just here to catch up with an old friend.”

“That’s cool. I was wondering, he doesn’t really seem to fit in with the other stuff that you listen to.”

“And how would you know what I listen to?” Finn asked with a smirk.

“You gave me a list of albums that you were looking for?” Sami shrugged, his expression quizzical.

“Right. I sure did that.”

“Yeah. Which I’m still on the hunt for, by the way! Don’t think that I’ve forgotten about you.”

“It’s…” Finn felt his face grow warmer, possibly from the beer. “It’s not terribly important, I don’t want to burden you.”

“It’s not a burden!” Sami laughed. “You’re not looking for like an original run of ‘Dark Side of the Moon’ or ‘The White Album’, that’s the kind of stuff that I get asked about every day. Nah, you’re asking for stuff that I haven’t heard in YEARS and is making me go through my own collection to listen to again. Like, shit dude, Aphex Twin?”

“Heh, well...yeah, I dunno.” Finn rubbed the back of his neck. “Just seems a tad much, y’know? Like I’m not trying to be all ‘look at my rather obscure tastes I’m so cool’, it’s just that by the time I started collecting records, this stuff was all out of print.”

“Hey, you don’t have to justify it to me. I collect stuff like demo cassettes from punk bands, we all have our weird thing. Point is, when someone that owns a record shop is like ‘damn’, that’s impressive. You’ve got really good taste, at least in my opinion.” Sami grinned, and Finn assured himself that the pleasant sensation he currently felt was due to the alcohol.

“Thanks. I-” Finn stopped himself. “Should I let you go? I didn’t mean to keep you for so long to talk about stuff that you deal with on a daily basis at your job.” 

“What? No, it’s fine!” Sami insisted. “I’m here by myself tonight.”

“Oh, uh…” Finn swallowed hard. “Would you maybe care to join my friend and I?”

“I couldn’t possibly encroach, especially if you guys are catching up! That’d be so rude of me.”

“No, it’s quite alright. Becky seems to really like this band, and she’d probably have more fun hanging out with someone that enjoys them as well, instead of worrying about me and my opinion.”

“Well, I guess then...sure!” Sami exclaimed, and Finn smiled. 

“C’mon then.” Finn gently touched Sami’s arm to lead him in the direction of where Becky was waiting, not wanting to break contact as the crowd had gotten heavier in the bar area and the risk of losing him was now higher. It took several minutes, but they finally made their way back to the balcony.

“What took ya’ so long?” Becky asked as she gratefully accepted the remaining cup.

“Sorry, ran into someone. He’s a big fan of these guys as well.” Finn apologized, then directed her attention to Sami. “Anyway, this is Sami. Sami, this is Becky.”

“Hi there!” Sami extended a hand to Becky, which she heartily shook. 

“Say, weren’t you in a band a number of years ago?” She asked, and Sami chuckled.

“I was, actually! That was a while back, though.”

“Yeah, I saw you on the night your bassist went berserk!”

“Oof. Good times, huh?”

“It certainly was memorable!” They both shared a laugh over it, which was interrupted by a few loud guitar riffs that echoed through the venue, and all attention was turned to the stage. As far as punk bands went, Ted Leo and the Pharmacists were definitely high energy, yet significantly more coherent than a lot of the other stuff that Becky normally listened to. Sami seemed to know every lyric, excited pointing out when would get played that apparently was a rarity for a live show, and Finn found himself a big fan of a soft acoustic song that was brief and had something to do with a goldfinch. 

Since Becky and Sami seemed to be bonding so well, Finn quietly kept to himself, hanging out in the background and content to simply observe. He debated taking off for a bit and getting another drink, but the buzz was still going strong so he stayed put. Part of him wished that he knew how to be more social to join in, but resigned himself to the face that he simply didn’t have the external energy to keep up; Sami seemed like he was more fun to hang out with, anyway, and Becky was probably having a much better time now. Everything worked out for the best. 

Around 11:00pm, the band wrapped up, and Sami and Becky continued to chat away as everyone exited the venue and poured into the streets. Just as Finn was about to speak up to tell them that he was about to head home, Becky turned to face him.

“Thank you SO much for comin’ out with me tonight! This was great, we should do this again!” She happily declared as she pulled Finn into one of the tightest hugs that he had experienced in many years.

“You’re very welcome. Shall we go out soon, then?” Finn asked as he hugged her back, remembering just how strong she was as he held onto her.

“Fuck yes. Let’s not wait several years this time though, OK? Maybe we’ll go somewhere quieter, more your pace. But for now, I gotta hit the sack. Busy day tomorrow.”

“Can’t wait, love.” Finn let her go, and she stood on her toes to plant a peck on his cheek.

“Alright. Lovely meeting you as well, Sami. Night gents!” Becky waved to both men before disappearing down the street.

“Nice meeting you as well!” Sami called back, then turned to Finn. “She’s a spitfire, huh?”

“You’ve no idea.” Finn snorted. 

“So how do you two know each other?” Sami asked, and they both started idylly wandering away from the Music Hall.

“Long story. We’ve been friends since we were teenagers. Dated at one point, didn’t work out.”

“It’s good that you’re still friends, at least.”

“Yeah, there were no hard feelings. Sometimes things happen and there’s nothing anyone can do about it.” Finn shoved his hands into his coat pockets, watching Sami’s breath form cold puffs in the chilled air. “You both seemed to get on well.”

“Hah, yeah. She was really cool! Iunno, I’ve been told that I’m able to get along with anyone. I’ve also been told that sometimes that gets on people’s nerves, so I don’t know what’s real at this point.”

“I wouldn’t take much stock in people that speak ill of kind souls.”

“You should try to explain that to my former bassist.” Sami scoffed, rolling his eyes, then his expression softened. “But you’re probably right.”

Finn nodded in response, and a few sparse snowflakes had started to descend from the sky. He stretched a hand out, unsure why, perhaps to try to catch one. “Lookit that.” 

“Oh cool! The first few snow showers are always so pretty around here. After that...not so much. Gets old really quickly”

“I believe it.” 

There was quiet as they observed white flecks puncture the inky black sky, but Finn didn’t mind.

“So…you heading back home soon?”

“I guess. Not sure if I’m gonna sleep anytime soon since I’m sorta wired, and I’ve got the day off tomorrow so there’s no self-imposed curfew. I’d hit up the coffee shop, but Bayley’d kill me if I showed up so close to quittin’ time.”

“Oh god, yeah. Don’t do that to her.” Sami looked thoughtful. “You know, not sure if you like The Chemical Brothers, but they have a new album out that’s really good.”

“Are they still making music?” 

“Yeah! Just seemed like something you’d like, based on the list that you gave to me. Anyway, I’ve got the new one back at my store...I...maybe this is weird, but you wanna come over and listen to it with me?”

“Right now?” That sounded much more zealous than was intended.

“Sure, I guess. I mean, if...I gotta lot of work to do tonight trying to get as much stuff together in preparation for the holiday shoppers, so I’ll be stuck there for a while. Company might make it all suck less. Like you don’t have to or anything, I’ll understand! I’d rather be in a cozy bed than with a goofy dude that gets way too excited about everyt-”

“Nah, that sounds fun! Let’s go.”

“You sure?” Sami sounded apprehensive.

“Definitely.”

“Oh. Cool, yeah! Let’s go.”


	3. Chapter 3

The walk to Sami’s store was mercifully short, but unlocking the back door was, unfortunately, not. 

“C’mon.” Sami pleased with the lock, jiggling the key and trying to hit a sweet spot. “Come to daddy…”

“Might have better luck if you buy it dinner first,” Finn giggled, trying to hide that he was shivering in the cold.

“You think I _haven’t_ tried to romance this thing at this point? Nah, it responds better to dirty talk.” Sami grinned. “C’mon baby, let’s see what’cha got...THERE!”

There was an audible click, and they key at long last turned.

“That wasn’t so bad,” Finn remarked as Sami opened the door and allowed for him to go first. “Thank you.”

“It was only behaving to make me look like a fool.” Sami grimaced. “Trust me, I’m gonna have to do some wacky shit next time, like eat it out or something.”

“Gross.” Finn snorted, completely at a loss of anything else to say, and still having some trouble registering how utterly ridiculous this conversation was. A few lights turned on, and Sami rushed over to a panel on the wall that beeped, kicking over a box as he did and unleashing a few hushed expletives, then punched a few buttons and the beeping ceased. Through the large display window from across the store, snow could be seen falling outside. 

The tranquility was disrupted by a pulsating beat that played over the speakers, and Finn turned around to look over at the counter, which Sami stood behind and placed his hands on, then managed to get himself on top of it in a seated position. As he bobbed his head along with the music, Finn smiled at him. By the second song, Sami was back on the floor and dancing along to the uptempo rhythm, occasionally pulling a winter-themed decoration from a large plastic tote just labeled “UGH” in permanent marker and dancing with that as well.

“You’ve gone mad, mate!” Finn, who had now started digging through the decorations as well to lend a hand, laughed as Sami got closer to him.

“Oh-oh, no time to rest!” Sami sang along with the chorus, which only made Finn laugh harder. “What’re you doing down there, anyway? We’ve got dance music, dance with me!”

“It’s electronic music,” Finn corrected him, feeling his face get warmer again, this time certainly not due to alcohol.

“It’s EDM, which stands for ‘Electronic Dance Music’.” Sami stuck his tongue out, and Finn realized he didn’t have a comeback. “That’s OK, though. It doesn’t really seem like that’s your thing, anyway. I’m not offended.”

“Why you gotta pigeonhole, Sami?” Finn feigned being insulted, but was genuinely relieved by the comment.

“Becky said something about going somewhere quieter next time you two meet up before she took off.”

“That doesn’t mean anything.” Finn half-lied. “It’s not easy to have a conversation at a concert.”

“You also kept to yourself at the show. It didn’t look like somewhere that you actually wanted to be.” 

“I enjoyed it just fine, it was just a bit noisy. And everything was sort of last minute, which I’m not used to.” Finn admitted, impressed by Sami’s perceptiveness. 

“Honestly, you strike me more as a museum kind of guy, but maybe that’s just because you’re an artist. Like it just seems as though you’d prefer somewhere quiet where you can reflect or hear yourself think.”

“That’s...not wrong.” Finn nodded thoughtfully. “I must seem terribly dull if it’s that obvious.”

“Not at all!” Sami had stopped dancing at this point and crouched down next to him, retrieving a few window clings from the tote and making a face at them. “Just because you don’t want to get up and make a jackass out of yourself doesn’t mean that you’re not fun. I like hanging out with you.”

“You do?” Finn looked up from his place on the floor, caught off guard and unable to hide the awe in his voice. 

“Well yeah. You’re fun to talk to and you’re passionate about the things that you like. And there seems to be no false pretenses with you, either, which I appreciate.” 

“Oh. Thanks, Sami.” Finn didn’t know what else to say, faced with such a compliment from someone that he still felt like he should know more about.

“Don’t mention it. So hey,” Sami paused, looking back down at the window cling. “You any good at painting?”

“I’ve been known to navigate my way around a canvas.”

"You think I could commission you to do some window art? Just like a winter scene."

"I could do that." Finn hurriedly agreed. "I uh...I'll even do it for free, if you get the supplies and cut me a good deal on any of those albums. If you get ahold of them."

"Don't give away your labor!" Sami shook his head. "I'll pay you either way."

"Very well. I'll draft up something for you tomorrow, and then we'll get started."

“Thank you, Finn. I really appreciate that!” 

For a while, Sami would instruct Finn on what went where, and after about an hour they took a break, a stack of printer paper was apprehended, then they made their way back towards Sami’s office to find a more comfortable place to sit.

“It says ‘Employees Only’,” Finn pointed to the sign on the door.

“Shoot, I forgot about that. Better ask the manager...OH WAIT!” Sami exclaimed, looking proud as he hitched two thumbs up and pointed them at himself.

“You’re threatening my hard earned title of being the biggest nerd around these parts!” Finn followed behind Sami as the door was opened, revealing a cozy room with a desk, beat-up sofa, and an overstuffed recliner behind it. Concert stubs practically covered the entirety of one of the walls, garnished with the occasional photo of Sami and a random rockstar, always looking so genuinely happy no matter the setting. On the other walls, there were posters for the likes of The Misfits, Guns N Roses, and Reel Big Fish, and a few Dr. Pepper cans lined a filing cabinet that sat towards the back of the room. “Alright, I take it back, you’re the bigger nerd.”

“Wow, thanks!” Sami responded sarcastically, then snickered. He sunk into the chair and gestured towards the desk. “Nah, I get it. I probably am. Anyway, the scissors are in the top drawer. So whaddya want them for?”

“Gonna make some paper snowflakes that we can hang from the ceiling.” Finn began to rummage, trying to keep prying eyes away from any personal effects, mildly curious about what appeared to be a luchador mask that he came across but ignored it; eventually the scissors were located. 

“I’ve never been able to successfully make one. Can you show me how to?” Sami asked as he watched Finn take a seat, then leaned over an arm of the chair so that he was closer to the sofa.

“Right. Take this.” Finn handed a sheet of paper to Sami. “So fold that into a triangle like so.”

“Alright.” Sami followed along with Finn’s instructions, glancing up to make sure that he was getting right and returning his focus onto the paper; the creases weren’t nearly as uniform as Finn’s, which caused frowning.

“You’re doing fine!” Finn said reassuringly, and Sami perked up again. “OK, so now that you’re all folded up, you cut notches into it.”

Once several shapes were cut out, the paper was unfolded to reveal a simplistic enough radial pattern, and the scissors were handed over to Sami. He attempted a few cuts in haste, but his paper quickly came undone.

“Aw man, this always happens! I’ve never been able to get the hang of it.” Sami despaired as he put the supplies down.

“Well, let’s try again. Do it slowly and let me watch this time, instead of rushing through it.”

Begrudgingly, Sami took another sheet of paper, cautiously making the folds this time, and Finn giving grunts of confirmation when he’d get it right. The scissors were brandished yet again, places that were placed notches far more carefully selected, but just as Sami was about to make a large cut, Finn exclaimed with an “Ah! Wait!”

“What?” Sami looked up from his work.

“That might be it. You can’t cut all the way across.”

“Oh. I mean, I just wanted to-”

“No cutting across!” Finn reiterated. “Not until you’ve gotten the fundamentals down first.”

“Fine.” Sami rolled his eyes, cut out a few more shapes, then looked back up at Finn for some kind of hint as to what he should do next.

“You can probably unfold it now.” Finn offered, and Sami carefully pulled the edges apart from one another to unveil a fully intact paper snowflake.

“HOLY SHIT!” Sami lit up, looking down in disbelief, then looked at Finn, and then back to the snowflake. “I did it! I’ve never been able to do this! I used to get picked on in school for always fucking this up!”

“Did you never have anyone sit down with you to show you?” Finn couldn’t help but smile over Sami’s jubilance.

“Nah, not really. I’m from Canada, so it’s just expected that every kid knows how to make winter related crafts. This is so awesome!” Sami held it up in front of his face to get a better look at it.

“Well I’m very happy to assist.”

“Can we make some more?”

“Of course.” 

The paper and scissors were passed back and forth, and Finn showed Sami more ornate patterns that could be made, but Sami insisted on keeping to simple shapes while he got the hang of it. It wasn’t long before a pile of snowflakes stacked up high on the desk.

“Should we start hanging them up?” Finn asked, putting a newly finished one on the top.

“I guess. Maybe later.” Sami yawned, then reached down and pulled on a lever attached to the side of the armchair, causing it to recline. “Wanna take a break?”

“Wouldn’t be a bad idea.” Finn kicked his feet up onto the couch and laid back, stretching his arms as he did, then resting them behind his head.

“Still can’t believe that in 31 years, this is the first time that I’ve ever been able to pull that off,” Sami laughed at himself, then looked at his first snowflake as he held it up again. “It was so simple, too.”

“That’s not your fault, though. Nothing’s simple if you’re not instructed properly at first, doesn’t matter whether or not you have a knack for it.”

“Guess you’re right. I suppose that’s why you’re a teacher.” Sami looked over at Finn. “Hey, you wanna hold onto this for me and keep it safe?”

“The snowflake?” Finn raised an eyebrow. 

“Yeah, iunno. You taught me how to do it. I...it’s just gonna get lost in here.” Sami gestured to the room. “Is that a weird thing to ask?”

“Sort of, but I’m flattered. I’ll keep it safe, if that’s what you want. Put it on my fridge and everything.”

“Thanks, man.” Sami suppressed another yawn, which triggered Finn’s own yawning reflex. “You better, though. It’s very important.”

“I promise. I’ll take a picture and everything.” Finn felt his eyelids grow heavier. Sami had responded, and Finn couldn’t quite hear it as his voice had gone distant, but he could have sworn it was something about actually seeing it at some point to prove that the promise was kept.


	4. Chapter 4

As Finn began to stir to consciousness, he could immediately tell that he wasn’t at home in his own bed, and ceiling tiles covered in stickers from various punk bands confirmed his suspicion. His brain ran a few diagnostics to figure out what happened, and he recalled making paper snowflakes with Sami and...he’d passed out. At the record store. And at some point obtained a blanket? Finn closely examined the old comforter with Simpsons characters on it that covered him, the fabric soft and colors faded, presumably from years of wear. The door to the office swung open, and Finn looked up. 

“Morning!” Sami happily greeted, his smile warm and gentle, rivaling the very function of the blanket itself, and Finn caught himself smiling back.

“Hey there!” Finn responded, his fingers still scrunched in the texture of the comforter. “Sorry for falling asleep in your store.”

“What? Oh no, don’t worry about! I sleep here so much that I may as well move in,” Sami chuckled. “It was actually nice to have someone else around this time, makes me feel less weird for being like this. Were you warm enough?”

“I must’ve been, didn’t wake up once.” Finn gestured to the blanket. “Thanks for this. Nice taste.”

“Pretty sweet, huh? I’ve had that since I was a kid. But it gets cold back here when it snows, so I just wanted to make sure you were OK.”

“Aye,” Finn nodded, then sat up and stretched. “So what time is it, anyway?”

“A little before 8. I got about an hour before it’s time to open shop and I need a bit of a pick-me-up, wanna go grab a coffee or something?” 

“Sounds good!” Finn stood, decidedly ignoring how enthusiastic he sounded and chalked everything up to how much more difficult it was to preserve inhibitions after just waking up. Maybe Sami didn’t catch it. As they moved towards the doorway, Finn remembered the conversation that they had just before they’d fallen asleep and he turned around, looking at the desk and then next to the couch.

“What’re you-”

“Snowflake!” Finn spotted the paper snowflake on the floor and folded it up, placing it in his pocket. “Can’t forget this!”

“You’re putting it on your fridge, right?”

“Of course.” Finn pushed forward and looked straight ahead as he avoided eye contact with Sami. This was normal. Everything about this was normal. Finn continued to tell himself just how normal this entire situation was, that accepting a paper snowflake from another grown man wasn’t even the least bit odd, nor were the sudden heart palpitations that came along with it. That the streets of Portsmouth were truly beautiful when they were covered in snow, and that it was only the snow he focused on and not the way that Sami playfully kicked untouched mounds of snow as they walked, and how he’d sweetly giggle right after, his eyes crinkling at the corners. That the way Sami would occasionally act like a mother hen throughout the duration of their trek about whether Finn was warm enough and if he’d like to borrow his scarf wasn’t the absolute most endearing thing.

Everything about this was normal, Finn reiterated to himself. Sami was just a very pleasant person that Finn was fortunate enough to meet, and now wanted to get to know better; that’s how developing a friendship worked under normal circumstances. At 34 years old, Finn didn’t exactly know how to make friends anymore outside of colleagues, didn’t know how to talk to people or make connections, so having met someone outside of work with similar interests that was friendly, cheerful, and-

“Masala latte to go please!” Sami requested from the barista and handed a five dollar bill over, breaking Finn’s progressively erratic thoughts.

“To go?” Finn repeated, chastising himself the moment the words left his mouth.

“Yeah, gotta get back to work, y’know.” Sami took the change handed to him and dropped it into the tip jar. “Took like a half hour to walk over here.”

“It didn’t feel that long.” Finn stepped up to the counter and ordered a small Mexican mocha latte, once again avoiding looking anywhere other than at Sami.

“Time flies when you’re having fun.” Sami offered, and Finn nodded while they waited for their beverages.

“Did...did you still want me to draft up a concept for the window art?” Finn watched as the barista handed a large lidded paper cup over to Sami.

“Of course! Only if you’re still down to do it.”

“I am. I’ll bring something by this afternoon, OK?”

“Great! So I’ll catch you later?”

“Yeah.” Finn accepted his own beverage, presented in a ceramic coffee mug which wasn’t at all unusual when he ordered. As Sami waved good-bye, Finn realized that he’d have to drink it down in the cafe instead of in the comfort of his own apartment, which was typically what he did anyway. Since his usual corner table was free, Finn placed his coat over the back of the chair, sat down, and waited for his drink to cool, while his brain yet again attempted to rationalize everything that had just happened. There was a number of excuses readily available, an infinite combination of ways to tell himself that Everything. About. This. Was. Normal. 

But then Finn’s heart skipped a beat when he thought about how Sami had said that he liked hanging out with him. How Sami had invited him to dance, and how badly he had honestly wanted to had it not been for the oppressive weight of self-consciousness. How Sami lit up when he had successfully constructed a paper snowflake, and the way that Sami smiled in general, bright enough to light up a room. 

Then he thought about the blanket, and how Sami said that he had been worried if Finn would be warm enough. 

Finn propped his elbows up on the table and dropped his head into his hands. Had the drink not been handcrafted, he would have considered tossing it and leaving, perhaps followed by crawling into bed and remaining there until the end of time. He glanced down and peered into the mug, the cute heart design drawn into the foam not helping as he struggled to come to terms with being in his thirties and rapidly developing an honest-to-goodness crush.

“Alexa?” Finn nervously spouted.

“Finn.” The blonde-haired barista sharply responded, not looking up from her phone.

“Could I trouble you to let me borrow this mug for a bit? I’ve got a headache, I’d like to drink it upstairs.” Finn grabbed his coat and moved over to the counter, mug in hand, and grimaced when Alexa rolled her eyes.

“How many of our mugs do you have at this point, Professor?”

“Please? I’ll bring them all down tonight when Bayley’s working so that she’ll have to wash them. I’d just hate for your hard work to go to waste, y’know?” 

“Well…” Alexa finally looked up and pursed her lips, and Finn flashed her a smile. “Yeah, alright. Whatever.” 

“Thank you!” Finn took off out the door before Alexa could change her mind. Behind him, he called back, “Great job on the latte art!”

Back in the sanctity of his home, Finn felt his nerves settle and head starting to clear. He slipped his Vans off, turned the thermostat up, then set the mug on the round end table that abutted the wingback chair. One of the many throws that his grandmother had knit for him was pulled out of the storage ottoman, and Finn covered his lap with it after he finally sat down. 

“A dog would be really nice to have around here,” Finn mused out loud as he retrieved a sketchbook that sat on the floor next to the chair, thankful that a mechanical pencil was left hooked into the spiral spine. A few pages were flipped through until he reached a blank one, then he clicked the eraser a few times to get some lead out and began to create long strokes that soon formed snowdrifts. A few vague shapes that resembled things like evergreen trees and deer were sketched into the background, and a large jovial snowman was placed in the foreground, complete with a newsboy cap.

As Finn paused admired his handiwork, mentally noting where adjustments should be made, he took a sip from the mug and felt his phone vibrate in his pocket. The phone was retrieved, and the paper snowflake came out along with it, which yet again made his heart beat a little faster.

“This is stupid,” Finn groaned as he set it aside and read the message from the unknown number:

(603)xxx-xxxx  
‘Hey it’s Sami! Hope it’s ok that I’m texting you. Good news I got a few albums in from off of your list. Catch you later!’

The text was re-read several times over, the pace of Finn’s pulse still elevating; rationally, this was a courtesy, nothing more. Finn did a quick Google search to make sure that the number wasn’t NXT Record’s, as some businesses now had texting capabilities, and sure enough it was not. A deep breath was taken, the text message read again for the tenth time, and Finn saved Sami’s number as a contact in his phone before he sent a response giving his thanks and that he’d be by later. 

Time continued to crawl forward as Finn fleshed more details out of his concept and wondered when would be too soon to head back over, while simultaneously chiding himself for acting like a damn schoolboy. Did adults even tell one another that they liked spending time together in a platonic fashion? He didn’t know. Did he even know Sami well enough to make assumptions about implications or lack thereof, about things like preferences? Statistics from the Human Sexuality course Finn had taken a number of years ago flashed in his head, about the actual likelihood that Sami would reciprocate the interest, and he sighed heavily.

Once he was satisfied that his illustration was comprehensive enough to present, Finn stood and and began to distract himself with chores that had been put off due to computer lab duties and grading assignments. The mugs that he’d been borrowing were located from the cabinet that was above the sink and pulled down, which including the one he’d taken today totaled to five; at least four of them had been cleaned, so he didn’t feel _too_ guilty. Then to get himself motivated, a record that contained a selection of Tchaikovsky’s famous symphonies was put on the turntable and the plants were watered, the floors swept and washed over with a Swiffer mop, and the slow cooker grabbed from off of the top of the refrigerator. Each time a crescendo had reached its peak in Swan Lake Waltz, Finn lifted his arms above his head, now completely caught up in the music instead of his thoughts. 

Vegetables that had sat in the fridge for roughly a week were chopped while the stock simmered and the stew beef browned, and the aroma from all of the ingredients made Finn a little homesick. He wondered if Sami ever got homesick as well, if maybe they could exchange stories or recipes or-

“Stop it,” Finn growled at himself aloud and put the knife down. After a moment’s pause to settle down, the ingredients were gathered together and poured into the slow cooker that was already set to ‘low’. The microwave clock read 11:05am, which he told himself was still too early to go back over to the record shop, and at this point he was bound to drive himself up a wall if he allowed his mind to wander too much. Outside, it appeared that the snow had not yet melted, which would make grocery shopping much more of a hassel than he was willing to deal with, which really only left exercise as the last viable option. Of course, going into work on a day off seemed like the least appealing thing, but he had a free membership and Becky had practically bled to ensure that the Performance Center gym there something world-class for students and faculty alike, so it’d be a shame to not use it for its intended purpose.

Potentially hazardous roads had Finn opting to use public transit instead of biking over, thankful that a bus stop was just steps away from his building. He took a free seat towards the back of the bus that had picked him up and silently prayed that the he’d remain unbothered for the duration of the ride. Yet again, Finn read the text message from Sami, and wondered why he didn’t just call from the business phone, or if this was some sort of sign that it would be OK to maybe text him again, just to see how he was doing or if he wanted to hang out or-

 _’Stop it,’_ Finn mentally hissed and exited out of the Messages app. He rested his head against the window and considered if it was possibly just loneliness that drove him to feel this way, if he could just will himself to be better at opening up, or get over the terrible anxiety associated with online dating, he’d be a lot happier overall. But ultimately, he didn’t have the time or energy to deal with any of that, and why was it too much to want to be with someone that liked him for who he was, that was cute and nice and, and…

 _’Stop it.’_ Finn closed his eyes. _’ **Stop it**.’_

Since the majority of the student population was busy with preparation for finals, Finn had the gym mostly to himself. The cold weather made cardio especially difficult lately, so he jumped onto an unoccupied treadmill and adjusted the settings to his liking, fired up the workout playlist on his iPod, and then set off. There was something cathartic about the simple rhythm achieved as one foot was placed in front of the other, the contact made beneath his shoes solid and grounding. 

An hour and a half passed before Finn's calves started to burn so intensely that they couldn't be ignored, so he readjusted the settings to something slower for the cool-down period, his pace no faster than a walk until the tread belt came to a gradual halt. Finn took a sip from his water bottle and used a towel to wipe the sweat off of his neck and forehead, then cleaned off any parts of the machine that his hands may have touched. From the corner of his eye, bright orange hair caught his attention, and he turned his head to confirm that it was indeed Becky coming towards him. He pulled an earbud out as he saw her mouth start to open.

"Thought it was your day off." Becky raised an eyebrow once they were within talking distance.

"It is. Needed to get my mind off of a few things, though." Finn smiled meekly.

"So you came to work? That's like the opposite, y'walnut." 

"Nevermind that. You enjoy yourself last night?"

"I did!" Becky clapped her hands together and grinned. "By the way, Sami seems nice. He a friend of yours?"

"I think? I just met him like maybe two weeks ago." Finn looked down picked at the hem of his shirt sleeve, glad that he had could easily use his run as an excuse for his face being flushed. “I...I don’t know, though. Um, he’s very nice, though, from what I know.”

“Y’knew him well enough to pick from a crowd, though.”

“He literally bumped into me. And he was by himself, it made sense to bring him over.”

“Well, I gave ‘im my number.” There was a hint of nervousness in Becky’s voice, and it felt like jagged icicles had dropped into the pit of Finn’s stomach.

“Oh,” came Finn’s immediate response, and Becky’s brow furrowed.

“Is that too forward? Iunno, he’s got a good taste in music just seems like a solid person to go catch a show with and-”

“N-no, that’s not...you’re probably right, he is. I think. I don’t think you’re being too forward at all, you’re fine.” Finn struggled with words, his mouth dry as his mind screamed horribly self-deprecating things. Before he had time to think about the next words that came out of his mouth, Finn asked, “Has he reached out to you yet?”

“Yeah, we’ve been texting back and forth since this morning. Just wanted to get your opinion, s’all. I mean, you know me better than just about anyone, so I just...I trust your opinion when it comes to this sort of thing.”

“Well in that case, I’d say you’re fine.” Finn offered a smile, desperately hoping that it masked turbulence that brewed just below the surface, sickening as it churned relentlessly about his insides. Before anymore conversation could be held, Finn’s head now spinning, he cleared his throat and said, “Y’know, I think I might’ve landed funny during my run. I’m gonna shower and take off.”

“Oh geez, do you want me to take a look before you go?”

“Nah, just gonna rest it for the day. Catch you later?”

“Sure thing!” Becky enthusiastically waved Finn off, and he was glad that there was some genuine soreness in his legs to aid in the legitimacy of his fabricated injury. The injury he had lied about just after Becky said that she trusted him.

Under hot running water, Finn stood still and let it pound away at his back as he tried to yet again rationalize the situation he’d found himself in, determined to not let emotion run amok with his health until he could sort a few facts first:

Finn had only known Sami for a short while, so they probably weren’t even really friends yet. Finn was also shy and quiet, which meant that it’d take too much effort for someone to get to know him. Sami was probably straight, because of course some random guy that he’d met by chance would be. Becky was really, REALLY attractive. 

And was outgoing.

And had a great personality. 

Finn bit his bottom lip and hung his head, then turned the shower off and let out a shaky breath. It had been so long since he’d gotten to a point beyond physical attraction with someone that he’d almost forgotten all of the failsafes that he deployed when the risk of infatuation became too strong to ignore. Ultimately, there weren’t too many other options when the very idea of meeting strangers triggered a skin-crawling reflex, so Finn had managed to rectify his needs until they were non-existent, focusing exclusively on his career, his health, and his hobbies. Thoughts turned to the idea of possibly distancing himself from Sami altogether. Maybe it wasn’t too late to decline to do the window art commision, then simply delete Sami’s contact and vanish; it wouldn’t be the first time that he’d done something like this to spare himself the pain of unrequited feelings, but it was the first time that he could take this sort of initiative before anything spiraled beyond his control. 

As Finn rummaged through his dufflebag to pull out clean clothing, he found his phone and checked to see if he had any messages from either students or fellow faculty members, and his eyes widened when he saw that he had several new texts from Sami.

 **Sami**  
12:29pm  
‘Sorry for the delay had some customers to deal with. That sounds great! I’m really looking forward to seeing to seeing what you come up with :D’  
12:32pm  
‘By the way, did you hang my snowflake up yet? lol’  
12:47pm  
‘Oh and I had someone grab paints for you! I hope that they’re the right kind. I can return them if theyre not and get other ones though. OK sorry to bother you see you later!’ 

Finn hesitated before he formulated a response, the opportunity to back out of this once and for all practically gift wrapped and presented to him. So far, he had managed perfectly fine without much of a social life, and he could continue to live like this indefinitely, he was sure. Rip the bandage off. Say goodbye. Move on.

Hands trembled as he stared at the letters of the on-screen keyboard, trying to will them to form words. Several long messages were drafted before they were deleted, each containing apologies and well thought-out excuses for not being able to stop by later. Finn just needed to come up with something genuine, something that was neutral and inoffensive, and wouldn’t possibly hurt feelings of the person that had said the night before that he liked spending time with him. And didn’t dismiss him for being too quiet, too withdrawn.

And gave him a blanket to keep warm. 

And had invited him to dance.

Finn ran his fingers through his hair. He didn’t know what any of that meant, and wouldn’t dare look any further into it other than Sami being a nice person, someone warm and wonderful that had opened themselves to him. Was it worth the risk to throw such kindness away? Could he really afford to distance himself from anyone anymore, when he was thousands of miles away from home and constantly surrendering to isolation and loneliness as it was? This wouldn’t be the first time in the history of the known world that a human being would be friends with someone that they were attracted to, and if he could remind himself that Sami wasn’t an option, maybe everything would be OK.

Except...

...not right now.

The phone was thrown back into the gym bag. Finn knew that he should respond with something, anything, but he lacked the simple courage to do so; he needed more time to think about his approach. Clean articles of clothing were finally pulled on, and Finn successfully evaded Becky as he slipped out of the building. For the duration of the busride back to his apartment, he ignored the impulse to unzip the bag, grab his phone, and tell Sami anything, just to possibly be acknowledged, to have his attention. Thank goodness text messaging wasn’t a thing that existed when he was a hormonal teenager, Finn mused, otherwise he would’ve gotten himself into some harrowing situations during a typical surge of emotions.

When he got back home, a beeline was made straight for the bedroom, and he crawled under the covers and cocooned himself. The temptation to nap the rest of the day away was overwhelming, but despite it being his “day off”, there were still emails to answer from students that needed remote assistance (and maybe counselling), as well as next semester’s syllabus to refine. Begrudgingly, he grabbed the Macbook from off of the nightstand and clicked on the web browser, then instinctively opened his personal email. Had it not been for the email from his mother, faithfully sent every single day and serving almost as a diary that chronicled the mundane affairs of the rest of the family, Finn would have exited out and continued to his work account; however, the smell of the stew that awaited in the slow-cooker made him homesick again, so he clicked and read the contents within the message, taking some minor comfort in her efforts to bridge the physical gap between them. The last paragraph contained her usual efforts to get him to use Facebook again after his several-month long hiatus, but students had tried to add him when the school year began which shook him enough up to stay away, and between that and the utter disinterest in what outspoken political views old high school mates shared, he was much happier away from all of it. At least she had stopped asking about his love life anymore.

Still, he should probably oblige her request, if only to check in with elderly relatives that were new to social media and, from what he’d been informed of so far, posted to his timeline every day. “Do it for your great aunt” was his mantra as he selected the blue and white icon from the toolbar and waited for it to load. Sure enough, the notifications were numerous, but nothing abnormal. He responded to a few posts inquiring about how he had been, saying that he was well and thinking of everyone back home. Having wasted enough time, he went to exit out of the tab, but curiosity grabbed ahold and he wondered if any co-workers added him as a friend, a dangerous social faux-pas to ignore.

“I should just delete my account,” Finn grumbled as he scrolled through a few names, most he’d recognized as students, and as he was finally about to give up entirely and move on from this useless timesink, he saw Sami’s name pop up on the list of friend requests. This had to be some kind of new record for the amount of times that a single person could surprise someone within 24 hours. “I can just...pretend that I didn’t see this?”

Then Finn thought about the text messages, and how he’d been ignoring those as well, guilt festering over Sami’s apology for “being a bother”, how that simply wasn’t true but how he couldn’t will himself to reply. How could anyone even think of Sami as a bother? It was unfathomable. He opened his own profile in a new tab, making certain that it didn’t contain anything too incriminating, then recalled that he had combed over it painstakingly earlier that year when he was preparing for his job interview back in the spring. There wasn't a single hint about his sexuality that could drive someone away.

Sami's name stared at him, beaconing to accept. To stay. Finn frowned, still unused to getting to know people so easily, to the uncertainty of possibly cutting away a safety net by doing this. 

He clicked accept and immediately closed the Macbook.


	5. Chapter 5

Were Finn an irresponsible man, he would have shirked his duties entirely and gave into sleep after the emotional drain he had experienced; to his credit, he was a professional, and despite the raging internal debate about whether to throw the Macbook out the window and never look at it again, he opened it back up and switched the browser tab over to his work’s email. As expected, there were several frantic emails from a few students, each of which he addressed and tried his best to come across as kind and empathetic, a difficult task without being face-to-face. In between each response that was sent, his eyes would drift over to the Facebook tab, and he’d refocus on his work. After the 5th “I’m sorry that Photoshop crashed on you, it does that and you may have an extension, but please remember to save frequently” message was sent out, curiosity became too much to resist so he went back onto Facebook. He ignored the butterflies in his stomach as Sami’s name was typed into the search bar and selected as soon as it popped up.

The profile picture was, from what Finn knew of Sami, perfect for him; toes curled from giddiness at seeing Sami proudly perched atop a blue motorized scooter, his wide smile that positivity infectious, even in a photograph.

“How could he think he’s a bother?” Finn asked himself as he glanced over the About section, noting that their birthdays were less than two weeks apart, that Sami was listed as single, and nothing was listed about his preferences. Perhaps…

“Stop it!” Finn shouted to the empty bedroom, exited out of the tab, then grabbed a spare pillow and covered his face with it, a string of “goddammit!” muffled over and over again. Sami wasn’t an option. He wasn’t. He couldn’t be. Nothing ever worked out so well, magic wasn’t real. Sami and Becky were probably going to fall in love and get married and have beautiful red-headed children, Finn was going to die completely alone, and that was the end of it. There was a sudden temptation to re-activate his OKCupid account, to possibly spare himself the scenario that he’d feverishly concocted, but memories of the overwhelming amount of casual sex offers were still fresh; Finn shuddered at the thought of not only dealing with his workload as he proved his merit to the university, but to also sort through an inbox full of one-worded ‘hey’, or foul languaged suggestions, or simply ;)

Instead, he re-focused on his job and managed to wrap up his responses to the final few emails, then noted that it was just after 4:00pm. He hadn’t specified when he’d stop by, but he knew that he was allowing his own cowardice to trump over common decency, which was unacceptable. With a deep breath, Finn convinced himself to finally roll out of bed and begin the arduous process of making good on plans. The sketchbook that contained the concept art was packed away in a messenger bag, his leather jacket and boots retrieved from the back of the coat closet, and the five mugs from the cafe were gathered up before he walked out of his apartment and locked the door behind him.

Downstairs, Bayley sat at the register with a paperback novel, relaxed as best she could before the post-dinner rush. Her head shot up when the bells that hung above the door chimed, and her eyes narrowed when she spotted Finn’s armload of mugs.

“Dude!” she groaned as Finn sheepishly grinned.

“I washed them all for you!” Finn weakly defended himself and sat them down on the counter in front of her.

“You’re the worst.” A mug was lifted up and examined to make certain that she wasn’t being lied to.

“I know.” He hung his head while Bayley huffed and brought them all over to the industrial sink in the corner. When she returned, she shook her head at him, with a few ‘tsks’ for good measure. “I’m terribly sorry!”

“No you’re not. So are you spending money here as a bargain for forgiveness?”

“Of course!” Finn wildly gestured.

“You’re an awful liar, neighbor.” Bayley smirked.

“OK I wasn’t originally, but I am now,” he admitted. “Could you possibly tell me which of these pastries Sami prefers?”

“Record store Sami?” 

“That’s the one.” Finn felt himself almost trembling over the words, so he cleared his throat.”I’m going over to NXT Records today to work on some art for him, and I figure that I’d bring something along since this was on the way.”

“Finn, this is literally on the way for you no matter where you’re going.” Bayley teased. “He likes lemon poppyseed anything, but actually…”

“What?”

“Gimme a second.” Bayley turned around and disappeared out back, then resurfaced a few minutes later with a cooling rack covered in large muffin tops. “Here, I just pulled these outta the oven like 20 minutes ago. We don’t make them too often because they don’t sell that well, but Antonio accidentally ordered like 10 jars of pistachio paste and he didn’t want to go through the hassle of returning them so I was told to use them up ASAP.”

“And Sami likes these?” Finn eyed the paper bag that Bayley dropped two into, then handed over to him.

“Loves them. I’m gonna have freeze most of the rest of these since I KNOW that they won’t move too quickly, but he’d definitely appreciate a few fresh ones.”

“Thank you, Bayley.” Finn couldn’t pull his wallet out fast enough, handing her a $10 bill and hastily departed.

“Your change?!” Bayley loudly called out.

“All yours!” Finn called back, door loudly slamming shut behind him. Bayley was worth a 100% tip for this. Ache had started to settle into his legs from the run, but he pressed on with urgency. As he went to grab his phone to text Sami to let him know that he was on the way, and apologize profusely for not getting back to him sooner, it dawned on Finn that the phone was still in his gym bag at home. The pace was picked up as he grumbled to himself, “Ah, shi- too late now to go get it!”

Finn slowed down as he approached the row of buildings with the NXT Records sign that hung out front, and from the large glass display window he could see Sami inside stocking the shelves by himself, his tongue sticking out the corner of his mouth as he focused. The door was slowly opened, Finn’s attempt to appear casual about any of this and like he hadn’t run over almost the entire duration, and Sami’s head swung around when he heard the chiming of the alert.

“Hey there!” Sami cheerfully exclaimed as he set the remainder of the merchandise down and walked over to where Finn stood. “So-”

“I’m sorry!” Finn blurted out, which startled Sami.

“Huh? For what?” 

“For not getting back to you sooner. I got your texts, but I was so busy that I didn’t have the chance to get back to you.” It was an almost truth, and Sami’s expression softened to a gentle smile.

“Oh no, no worries! It said ‘read’, so I figured that you got them and had stuff going on. Sorry if I bugged you or anything, I didn’t realize that you were busy. Do you want to go over this another day? Because it’s not urgent or anything.”

“You’re not a bother. I wanted to tell you that earlier, too.” Every word that tumbled from Finn sounded hurried, and he mentally chastised himself.

“Well that’s a relief,” Sami laughed. “Iunno, like I said last night, I get told by people that I get way too comfortable, so I try to be mindful of that.”

“But...you don’t have to worry about that with me. I don’t think of you like that at all.”

“You better watch out, I might show up to your apartment unannounced and rummage through your fridge, then put my feet all up on your couch!” Sami joked.

“Would you at least please wipe your shoes off before you went and did that?” Finn giggled.

“I suppose, since you asked so nicely.” Sami grinned, and they maintained eye contact for just a hair too long for comfort before Finn averted his gaze and opened his messenger bag. “By the way, sweet jacket.”

“Oh, thanks. I’ve had it sitting around forever, but up until recently the weather was too warm too pull it out.” The sketchbook was pulled out, flipped over to the page with the concept sketch, and handed it over to Sami.

“Look at this!” Delight was all over Sami’s face as he ran his fingers across several points of the paper. “This is perfect. Look at this snowman with his hat! Is that supposed to be me?”

“Aye.” Finn confirmed, his hands shoved into his pockets as he avoided using them to cover his face right then in embarrassment, but the crinkling of paper reminded him of the pastries. “Oh! Um...I have these for you as well.”

“What’s that?” Sami looked at the small brown paper bag that he was handed, a few greasy spots from the butter staining the surface, the true mark of quality in a baked good.

“Bayley wanted me to run these over to you. She said you liked ‘em.” In an effort to act nonchalant, Finn began to remove his jacket and messenger bag, and walked away to try to find a place that he could hang it up. 

“Wait, what?! They don’t make these anymore! I’ve been telling Cesaro for months now that I wanted to place a special order for almond-pistachio muffin tops, and he keeps telling me that it’s not happening!”

“Well, from what I saw Bayley made a tray’s worth and said that she’ll probably freeze a bunch, so you’ll probably be able to get your fix for at least a while.”

"This is so awesome, thank you!" One of the pastries was devoured in what must have been nanoseconds, faster than the human brain could register such a thing was happening. The second one was pulled out, and Sami held it towards Finn. "There's two in here, you should have this."

"I'm not big on sweets, though." Finn smiled politely, but Sami still broke off a piece regardless.

"Just a little? Please? Like, you don't have to but...I just...this would mean a lot to share with someone. My mom used to make breads and desserts like this back at home. This is actually her recipe, just modified by them to make it into a muffin; I gave it to them a few years back when I first placed a special order because I can't bake to save my life, and I was so homesick. And they were nice enough to oblige for as long as they did, but it's also a huge pain in the ass to make and who else is gonna pick almond-pistachio over blueberry or chocolate chip?" As Sami continued to ramble, Finn made his way back over and took the small piece from Sami's hand, and popped it into his mouth without further coaxing.

"It's really good!" Finn smiled after he had swallowed it, and Sami looked at him with a kind of unguarded awe that he would have eaten as many more muffin tops as it'd take if he could get that reaction time and time again. "But I still think that you should save the last one for you."

“Yeah, I will. Thank you. Again.” 

“So, the art.” Finn switched gears, something of this weight not no longer what he had the mental facilities to tackle after the day’s metaphorical rollercoaster.

“Right! Why you’re here. Let me go grab the paints for you.” Sami scurried to the counter and leapt atop it, but slid off and a loud **CRASH** immediately followed. 

“SAMI?!” Finn rushed over behind the counter to find Sami a crumpled mess on the floor, and crouched down to examine him closer. “You hurt? Do I need to call for an ambulance?”

“Oof, no. Got a bit carried away there.” Sami winced as he rubbed his elbow, which had gotten the brunt of the impact.

“Does that happen a lot?” It was a genuine inquiry, but Finn realized how insulting it sounded after it was spoken aloud; thankfully, Sami seemed to take no offence.

“From time to time. Lemme just…” A hand reached out and Finn felt his knee grabbed, used for leverage so that Sami could pull himself up. Tiny goosebumps that formed as brief contact was made with his thigh, and he stood as slowly as Sami did, in case further support was needed. Eventually they were both eye level, and Sami brushed the sleeve of his arm off. “Thanks, buddy.”

“I didn’t...you’re welcome?”

“Anyway, the paints.” Sami hitched his thumb over his shoulder and towards the register, and Finn found a large plastic bag sitting on a shelf underneath it that was filled with specialized paints for window art. “Are those good enough?”

“Honestly, I have no idea. I’ve never done something like this, only looked up tutorials online a while back.”

“Well, according to the internet, these are supposed to be good. I had my guy run up to Portland to grab them, ‘cause apparently you can only get them at a speciality store and he refused to run out to the Blick Store because the closest one is in Boston.”

“Sami, that’s so unnecessary!” Finn laughed, in utter disbelief.

“Are you kidding me? Dean would much rather go get out and run some errands than hang around here for a shift. He gets so antsy being in a single place for too long, even if it’s just for a few hours. There’s a record store up there that I do a lot of trading with when it comes to inventory, which was mostly why he went up there, so it all worked out.”

“Ah, I suppose that’s fair. So, would you like me to maybe get started today?”

“Are you actually read to go?” Sami chuckled. “Your clothing seems a bit too nice to do this, and I don’t have brushes or anything like that for you to use here. Dean forgot to grab them, got too flustered with everything else going on, but we can pick some up soon for you.”

“Oh.” Finn looked down at himself; he’d gotten so caught up in the idea of painting for Sami that he hadn’t even thought about any real preparation. “Guess you’re right. I have brushes at home, I can go run back and get them. Should also go get my painter’s tape and apron...”

“It’s fine, don’t worry about it tonight. I’m closing up shop in like an hour, anyway.”

“At 6?”

“Yeah, I always close early on Thursdays. And I’ve got plans for a little later, so I gotta pack it in.” As if on cue, Sami’s phone vibrated, and he glanced at the screen, slid his thumb across it, and began typing with his thumbs. Finn managed to stop himself from prying further, wondering if it was Becky that he was texting, if they were meeting up to go on a date. The few seconds of silence as Sami concentrated dragged on forever, and were almost suffocating. He was probably overreacting.

“That’s cool, I’ll get out of your hair so you can handle that. Guess I’ll catch you later?”

“Yeah, sounds good.” Sami looked up and flashed Finn a smile. It was warm, but seemed distracted, distant. Finn unceremoniously gathered his jacket and messenger bag and headed towards the door, but turned as he heard “Finn?”

“Yeah?”

“Thank you for bringing me the muffin tops! That really made my day!”

“You’re welcome!” The door was pushed open and a small wave was given before Finn finally left, darkness settled in the city streets after the sun had set and the street lamps now softly aglow. He let out a chilled breath as he zipped the jacket up, uneasy with how rapidly his emotions fluctuated in the face of something that he continued to tell himself was a definitive thing, a line that he could not cross, a man that he should not allow himself to think about. It had to have been due to loneliness, there couldn’t be any further explanation for this sudden rush, the intense pace at which his pulse accelerated; no one person could cause such reactions by simply existing. 

During the walk home, Finn’s legs yet again aching, he thought about something that Becky had approached him with, a “friend of a friend” that might be of interest, right around the time that he had quit online dating and started declining blind dates. Harsh words had been thrown around when he exasperatedly declared that he was done with meeting strangers, and she heatedly responded with something about his lack of options due to how he operated. It was a topic that hadn’t been touched since then due to the strain that it placed on their friendship. 

Unfortunately, it was now a topic that he began to feel the full weight of as he forced himself to admit that she may have been right. If it was either loneliness that drove him to seek solace in Sami, or genuine emotions starting to be fostered despite every attempt to reel them in, it was going to hurt what he could tell was the start of an amazing friendship, and he couldn’t risk that.

Sami didn’t deserve that.


	6. Chapter 6

"Wait wait wait, let me get this straight: YOU want to get set up on a date." Becky studied Finn's face as she searched for any hint that this was a joke, her fork practically dropped onto the plate. 

"Yeah, I dunno. Maybe it's time to give it a try again?" Finn shrugged as he stared down at his own salad. This wasn't how he'd wanted to start the week, but Becky had been busy the entire weekend (and he hadn't dared asked if she spent it with anyone, instead electing to hide out in his apartment on Saturday and Sunday like a hermit), so Monday was the soonest he could have approached her. "Exposure therapy and all."

"Well, Sasha's got that friend...could try giving her a buzz 'bout it."

"Right. The one with the funny hair?"

"He's a good looking fella, into fitness like you. She says he's funny, very successful at his job, owns a Tesla-"

"Right, gotcha."

"You sound so interested." Becky stated flatly.

"I don't even have a car. Don't have anything nearly as impressive to my name or about me. Maybe this isn't a good idea after all." Finn absently brought a piece of grilled chicken breast to his mouth.

"Stop that! You're so wonderful." She placed a hand on his forearm. "You're smart and kind, too loveable for words. You might also be the most driven and passionate person I've ever known. All else fails you have a _great_ arse."

"Thanks." Finn snorted, his face starting to redden.

"What?! You do! I'm allowed to say that!"

"Not so loud now." He craned his neck to peak in the hallway and made sure that no one could hear them from his office.

"C'mon, y'can't be that naive. Y'ever got students dropping pens near you during class?"

"I dunno, I guess sometimes?" Finn tried to recall how often it happened, and realized that it occurred several times a week.

"Yeah, but you're a good guy, so y'pick them up, don'cha?"

"I do, but it's to return it so that we can get on with the lesson."

"Hun, you gotta stop bendin' over for them."

"I do n-" Eyes widened with understanding. "Oh my god, I do."

"Yeah, so like I said, at least y'got that going for you."

"Great. Good talk, dear." 

"Anytime." Becky stood up, empty plate in hand. "Anyway, gotta get back to class. I'll shoot Sasha a message and see if we can work something out."

"Thanks." Finn buried his face in his hands once she had left, vowing to never retrieve a fallen writing instrument ever again. Fortunately, he only had one more class to get through before he could leave, which meant more time to keep himself occupied enough to fight off the temptation of sending Sami a quick text. He’d done a thorough job avoiding it for the past three days, giving himself space to breathe and try to clear his head, but he had found himself in a rare position of craving _attention_ of all things.

The class flew by, his duty mostly to offer assistance as his students worked on their final projects, and a minor miracle occurred when only three students needed his help after the period was over. Since he didn’t have to stick around his office on Mondays either, and all administrative duties were wrapped up, Finn retrieved his ride from the bike rack and leisurely cycled in the direction of home. He took the long way back, which lead him past the water, and at one point he paused his trek to watch as the ships as they slowly passed in and out of the harbor. It was a sight that made his heart swell and reminded him of home, as life in Portsmouth had a tendency of doing. 

The wind’s bitter chill, a harbinger that winter lurked closeby, caused Finn to pull a knit cap from out of his pocket and pulled it snuggly over his head. Still, he’d rather this than somewhere that was hot year round, the oppressive heat from semesters spent in Orlando before he’d switched majors still caused the occasional phantom beads of sweat. Ultimately, he was glad to be back somewhere that he could wear cardigans and scarves again, where the air was cool and crisp instead of constantly humid, and where hot beverages could actually be enjoyed (despite New Englanders’ odd obsession with iced coffee).

Departing from the harbor was never pleasant, but Finn said his goodbyes to the water and pedalled onward through the cobblestone streets. He debated stopping into the toy shop around the corner from his apartment to indulge in a habit, but about a week ago his mother included a very firm “do NOT go buying yourself any Lego sets!” in one of her emails, since it was so close to Christmas; it was always so much fun to explain his interests to airport security when he’d go home with a suitcase full of lovingly selected ridiculous gifts from his family.

Once he got to his building, the mail was retrieved and stuffed into a pocket as he climbed the staircase with his bike hoisted up, and then the door was unlocked, bike propped up in the entryway, and messenger bag was dropped right in the middle of the kitchen floor. So far, no reimbursement check from the college, and he pat himself on the back for taking on those winter interim courses to offset living expenses, even it meant cutting back time spent with his family this holiday. 

The watering can from under the sink was pulled out and filled, and Finn went plant to plant, checking the leaves and proud of himself when they all seemed to be in good health. As he went to retire to his chair, he felt his phone vibrate.

**Sami**  
‘Hi there!!! Hope you had a good weekend :) I was wondering if you were busy and maybe wanted to come by at some point to get started on the window art for real? Let me know!’

Finn smiled despite himself, which was increasingly worrying, and he hoped that Becky would get back to him soon so that he could try to be distracted with someone else that maybe he’d be compatible with. Of course, that seemed unbelievably daft, given that next semester he’d be working at least 60 hours a week, and dating might not be the most well thought out plan overall. He wondered if he should tell her that it was a bad idea, but she’d just wanted to help so badly and it’d be rude to dismiss her efforts. Maybe this other guy was nice and fun. Maybe it’d all be effortless with this other guy, and Finn could multitask between dating him and writing yet another book for publication while developing more mentally stimulating lesson plans and grading homework, and then Sami would get home from work and they’d ask one another about their day and then kiss and…

“GODDAMMIT!” Finn yelled to an empty room. 

It’d been only three weeks since he’d met Sami, and he was already fantasizing about domestic situations, about...kissing; he didn’t know how to tell himself that it wasn’t what he wanted, that this might be more than just some neutral loneliness, that he might _really_ like Sami. A lot. All within just three weeks. 

Pathetic.

Becky needed to get back to him soon before he said or did something stupid. Finn was having trouble logically shutting things down, only to deal with his emotions overriding everything. This friend-of-a-friend better be available and everything promised. 

Regardless, it would be rude to put Sami off any longer, especially with something that impacted his business, so Finn responded with assurances that he’d be by in a little bit. He changed into a t-shirt and jeans, then gathered all of the necessary supplies into his messenger bag, and bolted out the door with his bike. The sun had just started to set, so he flicked on the little headlight attached to his bike, and scolded himself yet again for forgetting to buy a helmet (somewhere in the back of his head, his poor mother having heart failure over his disregard for safety).

As he approached the storefront, he locked his bike up to a rack that sat just outside the store and hurried inside. The door chimed, and a disheveled looking stranger peered at Finn from behind the register. At first he wondered if it was a burglar, as Sami was nowhere in sight, but the man hadn’t moved and continued snapping his gum while Johnny Cash played over the speakers.

“You need something?” He roughly asked, voice like gravel.

“Is Sami in?” Finn tried to sound authoritative. 

“He’s busy out back. I can help you just fine, though.” The man didn’t budge.

“I’m here to paint on the windows. Sami asked me to come by today to get started.” 

“Oh, so _you’re_ Finn.” There was a smirk that made Finn just the slightest bit uneasy, and the man stood up and placed the plastic bag that contained the paints onto the counter. “Yeah, alright, you’re the guy. Gotcha. Sorry, anytime anyone asks for Sami, I automatically assume that they’re tryna rip off the store, being all ‘gimme a good deal on this, I asked Sami and he said I could have it for basically nothing’.”

“Does he cut deals like that?” Finn grabbed the bag and laughed at the man’s animated impersonation.

“Oh course he fuckin’ does. You’ve met him. Dude would cut his own foot off for someone if they asked politely. I’m Dean, by the way.” 

“Finn. But you knew that.” 

“Right. Lemme know if you need anything, but I won’t bother you none.”

“Got it.” Finn carried the bag over to the display window, which already had stuffed cleared away and newspaper laid out on the ground below it. Behind his shoulder, he called out, “You know if this window’s been cleaned?”

“Should be. Sami’s been at that all day, preparing and stuff.”

“Thanks, mate.” Messenger bag was dropped to the floor, as well as his jacket. Before Finn went to put on his apron, he felt his phone vibrate in his pocket.

**Becky**  
‘Sasha’s friend is still single and looking to mingle!’

Finn cringed at the wording, and another text arrived as he debated never talking to her ever again.

**Becky**  
‘So if you’re still interested, let me know! xoxo’

A deep breath was taken, and Finn held it for a moment as he realized that this was a thing he was actually going to commit to. He responded with a ‘yeah, let’s do this’, and a minute later Becky sent him another message telling him that she had passed along his phone number to Sasha and that she would send him a number as soon as she got it so that they could set up a time and place instead of going back and forth through the middlemen.

As Finn was about to put his phone away, he received a text from a number that he didn’t recognize.

**(563) xxx-xxxx**  
‘Hey it’s Seth, Sasha’s friend. Just wanted to introduce myself. When are you free next? I was thinking maybe Thursday night, the Black Trumpet Bistro at 8 if that works for you.’

“Forward,” Finn muttered to himself as he stared at his phone screen. He responded with ‘Hi there! That’s probably fine, but I really can’t talk right now because I’m on a job. I’ll get back to you as soon as I’m off.’, then shoved his phone back into his pocket.

“Hi there!” Sami’s cheerful voice rang out from behind Finn, and he turned around to greet him.

“Hi Sami!” he smiled, but was caught off guard by an unreadable look on Sami’s face, where he expected there to be his usual smile.

“You uh…” Sami shook his head, as if to try to clear it. “You have a lot more tattoos than I thought.”

“Oh!” Finn looked down at the designs that peaked below the hems of his shirt. “Yeah, my quarter sleeves aren’t typically visible when I’m dressed professionally.”

“They just look really cool, and…”

“Sami, are you OK?” There was something alarming about the way that he trailed off, and Finn reached a hand out to Sami’s shoulder, as though it may ground him.

“Yeah, yeah...I don’t know, maybe I ate something bad.”

“Told ya to stop going to that diner!” Dean yelled out.

“Maybe I will!” Sami yelled back and rolled his eyes.

“Y’never listen to me,” Dean grumbled.

“Anyway, sorry about him. So uh, great shirt, by the way.” 

“Thanks.” Finn grinned, proudly of his goofy novelty shirts, the pug one he wore being one of his favorites. It looked as though Sami had more that he wanted to say, but remained silent, so when Finn’s phone vibrated again he didn’t feel bad about checking it out. “Oh geez...”

“Everything OK?” Sami’s voice was low and full of concern.

“Everything’s fine, just...I’m trying to coordinate this date and I told this person I was busy, but they’re still texting me. Guess they’re really interested or something.”

“Oh.” Sami’s was barely audible, and Finn’s head shot up.

“Sami?” 

“I think Dean’s right, must be that diner, my stomach’s killing me. I’m gonna lay down for a bit out back, sorry that, uh…”

“No, don’t apologize! Go feel better! Would you like me to go to the corner store and you some ginger ale or anything?”

“I’ll be alright, just gonna sleep it off.” Sami chuckled. “Make yourself at home, do whatever you need to do. You know your way around here.”

“Sure.” Finn nodded as he watched Sami head to the back room and vanish behind the door. With the exception of Dean shuffling around or clearing his throat, Johnny Cash's vocals, or the odd customer that would stop in, the store was quiet. Hours passed before he began to wrap up the first few layers of his design, sealing each one with some hairspray before adding more. Special attention was paid to the flat cap on the snowman, and he’d turn to try to find Sami and show him, only to remember that he was still hadn’t resurfaced from out back. He stood up and stretched, examining his work, and Dean came into his peripheral vision.

“Nice work.” Dean remarked.

“Hey Dean?”

“Yeah? Y’need something?”

“No, just...how’s Sami?”

“He’ll be fine. Tough guy. You keep workin’ on your art.”

“Sure.” Finn took the advice and dipped a brush into some paint, and began adding finer details from the sketch onto the window. It was weird not having Sami around. Everything felt off, but Finn didn’t want to trouble Dean to ask if he could go out back to visit him, so he continued to paint in the increasingly uncomfortable silence. Sami needed to rest more if he wasn’t feeling well, and Finn couldn’t bring himself to intrude and act on selfish desires, even if he genuinely worried about his friend’s well being. So instead, Finn continued to paint, ignoring how his phone vibrated every once in awhile and biting back vgue doubts that he couldn’t quite comprehend about everything in his life.


	7. Chapter 7

The days leading up to Thursday were quiet, much to Finn's dismay. He had reached out to Sami a few times, inquiring if he felt and better and saying that there were still minor details to add to the painting. Sami assured him that he was still a bit woozy but otherwise OK, that Finn could come by whenever to finish, and there was a check waiting for him as well.

**Sami**  
'By the way, the painting looks great. Thank you for doing this. I know you're busy and all and that it was a lot to ask for.'

**Me**  
'It's no trouble at all! I've had a blast doing it, thank you for having the confidence in me to do this for you.'

Finn frowned as he re-read Sami's text, wondering if he was looking too far into this and why it almost sounded like some sort of 'good-bye', like the end of a business contract. Was that all this was? He swallowed hard, uncertain of everything going on, too scared to approach the topic, of what the real answer could possibly be. From where he sat at the kitchen table, he could see the paper snowflake on the fridge that he'd finally gotten around to hanging up.

It had to be more than a business deal, right? 

His phone vibrated again, another text received from Seth. They hadn't even gone on this date yet, but Finn already had a few ideas of what he was dealing with given the amount of times he'd been contacted.

1) Seth was ambitious. The cited examples included the amount of times that he'd reached out to Finn already, as well as more than enough pictures of himself so that he'd be recognized when they finally met. The gym selfie was hardly necessary, though. Other than that, Finn was genuinely elated by these particular efforts, especially that they were done via text and not phone calls, because it was so much easier for him to communicate with a stranger through type. Things like eye contact, inflection, and body language weren’t concerns this way, and so far this had all been pretty painless.

2) Seth liked things done his way, on his time. Finn speculated that it might be due to him being the type of person that liked to plan things out, but so far almost everything had been Seth's idea; it wasn't necessarily a bad thing and Finn really didn't mind as long as they were going someplace public that served beer, but he would have appreciated being given some room for input (of course, he hadn't really the time to come up with plans to suggest, so that was his own fault). Maybe it was nerves. Maybe Seth was better at dating and just knew what worked well.

A black button up shirt and slacks were pulled out from the closet and lightly tossed onto the bed, and he went over a mental checklist of topics, which Becky helped him out with:

-Do discuss profession, background, and hobbies.  
-Don't discuss politics or religion.  
-Don't discuss anything too nerdy, like comics or cartoons or Lego collections. (That’s like third date stuff.)

The last bullet point made him grimace, the conversation he'd had with Sami at the cafe a few weeks ago when they'd first really gotten to know one another still fresh on his mind. Ideally, that was exactly how every first date conversation should go, effortless and fun.

Ideally, this would be _with_ Sami.

Was it too late to back out?

Finn glanced over at the clock, then shook his head and began to undress. He wasn’t going to waste everyone’s time and effort just because he had a goddamn crush on someone else, someone that maybe didn’t even see him as a friend because -yet again- he’d read too much into everything and god why the **fuck** did it hurt so much to think about that.

With what felt like the wind knocked out of him, Finn sat on the edge of his bed and looked at himself in the mirror. At the very least, he knew that he was good looking and in great shape, something that he’d taken a lot of pride in. His physical appearance, however, couldn’t make up for his total inability to open up to other people, a phobia he’d tried time and time again to conquer but to no avail. Teaching was his middle ground, as he lived to share knowledge that he had accumulated and seeing the data click with his students, and the academic setting was a perfectly neutral area where he didn’t have to share anything too personal about himself.

The button up was put on, followed by the slacks, and then Finn rummaged through his sock drawer to try to locate a matching solid colored pair but could only find ones with polka dots. They’d have to do. All of this was an extended exercise in adulthood, he reminded himself, the kind that seemed mythological where people had their shit together and went out to brunch and could balance a checkbook and used buzzwords like “synergy” and didn’t play with action figures.

A tie was briefly debated, but that might be TOO formal, so he didn’t bother. The Vans were definitely informal, but Finn still put them on because he wasn’t going to completely forgo every single thing that gave him comfort just for the sake of a stranger. Glasses were switched out for contact lenses, and Finn hardly recognized himself as he looked into the mirror yet again to make certain there weren’t any weird stains or tears; so far so good. A charcoal colored peacoat was pulled on, as well as a matching scarf, and the only thing left to worry about was getting there. Biking was out. Public transit was maybe a faux pas? Guess there was always walking. 

So Finn walked.

The fresh air did wonders to ease his scattered thoughts, his only concern was to get to the end of the night. Becky had offered to serve as his emergency contact in case things went south, but he really didn’t want to bother her anymore, not after all of this. At the very least, the place they were meeting at closed at 9:30pm, so even if it was the Worst Date Ever, they’d only have to deal with one another for an hour and a half.

As Finn turned onto Ceres Street, he walked on the side that was closest to the water and towards the unassuming wooden sign for Black Trumpet, the sound of lapping of water in the harbor soothing. According to his wristwatch it was 7:42pm, which meant that he was quite early, still too early to grab a table, so he sat on a bench a few feet away from the building and played with his phone. 

“Finn,” came an unfamiliar voice from somewhere above him, and Finn’s head shot up to see who’d addressed him, coming face-to face with two-toned color hair tied up in a bun, a beard, and studious dark brown eyes.

“Seth?” Finn didn’t sound nearly as sure when he responded, but judging by the way that this man grinned, his guess was accurate. 

“Hey, hope you weren’t out here waiting too long,” Seth extended his hand, which Finn shook once he stood up.

“Nah, I overestimated the time it’d take to get here. My own fault.”

“Alright, well enough waiting. I’ve arrived, now let’s get inside.” There was a confidence with which the way said ‘I’ve’ that Finn immediately caught, as well as confidence with the way that Seth moved in general, the way that he addressed waitstaff and requested that they get a table near the wall and not in the middle of the restaurant floor, which was granted without any hesitation (if anything, it seemed as though their host enthusiastically leapt at the opportunity to handle such tasks). It was a subtle sort of charisma that he wished that he could tap into, but hadn’t yet unlocked within himself. After orders were placed for drinks, Seth enthusiastically going on about the merits of IPAs and Finn trying not to make a face as he did, an interesting statement was made.

“So I’m told that you’re shy.” Seth remarked without much provocation, and Finn raised an eyebrow in his direction.

“That’s one way of putting it,” Finn scratched at his facial hair, unsure how else to respond.

“So I’m gonna try to get you out of your shell.” Seth looked sure of himself.

“Awfully interesting way to go about it.” Finn snorted.

“Whaddya mean?”

“Y’put me on the spot there a bit.” A sip of his stout was taken. 

“Yeah well, just letting you know.” A sip of the IPA was taken, to match. 

“So what is that you do exactly? For work?” It was time to change gears in the conversation, as Finn wasn’t interested in having light shed on a characteristic that was mostly viewed as a flaw, but Seth didn’t seem to mind the switch. He eagerly shared that he worked at a marketing firm, had just gotten a promotion a few months back, and was in line for another one, but that it was the result of years of meticulous planning and hard work. A few years ago he and a couple of associates banded together and really broke in, changing the dynamic of the company itself and singlehandedly gained bigger and more powerful clients; but eventually he needed to look out for himself, and for the sake of survival in a cutthroat industry, he separated from them. Since then, life had been smooth sailing: his paycheck was bigger, he was able to move into a penthouse suite, and people around the office referred to him as “the man”.

“It wasn’t easy to do, but y’know, when you’re carrying the load sometimes you gotta shed some of the weight to get to your destination.” 

“Well, if that’s what you had to do…”

“It was.” The response was matter-of-fact, and thankfully their waiter had returned right them to take their food order. Finn kept his meal selection light, despite Seth’s various recommendations about some of the pricier entrees, as his budget didn’t allow for extravagance when the holidays were just around the corner and his reimbursement check hadn’t yet arrived. Seth teased with, “C’mon man, you’re gonna make me feel gross if I’m getting this sirloin steak all by myself. Don’t you work out? You need the protein.”

“I get plenty of protein, I promise.” Finn assured him with a smile. “I don’t eat a lot of red meat, though.”

“So like...do you do any programs at all?”

“Programs?”

“Yeah, like I do Crossfit and stuff.”

“And ‘stuff’?”

“OK so just Crossfit.” If Seth had been eager to discuss what he did as a profession, he was blindingly enthusiastic to talk about his passion for Crossfit, and revealed that his real passion was to eventually taper down his workload to the point that he could afford to coast as a freelance consultant, but own a gym full time. “You should really come work out with me in the future!”

“I quite like my routine, though. Nothing fancy like jumping atop boxes, but I’ve found that old-fashioned weight training and cardio work wonders.”

“Oh c’mon, we do weightlifting with normal weights! We just mix it up a bunch, that’s all.”

The two swapped preferences as they waited for food, Finn confused as to why anyone would want to run a marathon through the mud and Seth equally confused about why anyone would choose swimming as their primary method of cardio, but both agreed about the importance of kettlebells, so at least there was some common ground. The food arrived, along with more beer, and Finn was glad to have something else to focus on for a few minutes as he gathered his thoughts. 

“So what do you find attractive in a guy?” Seth asked as Finn brought the first forkful of food into his mouth, and he found himself completely caught off guard. He chewed slowly, to give himself time to think, then swallowed.

“It’ll probably sound awfully cliche, but someone with a nice smile is usually the first thing that gets me. Someone that can make me laugh and feel at ease for being myself.”

“You sap.” Seth chuckled.

“Oh? And what do _you_ find attractive?”

“Smarts. Bright blue eyes, blushes easily, in great shape.”

“Are you hitting on me?” Finn made eye contact, surprised at his own boldness.

“And if I am? We’re on a date, aren’t we?”

“Hm.” Finn shoveled more food into his mouth to avoid having to speak for a little while longer as he processed the evening thus far, and Seth seemed to take the cue, the brief silence merciful. When conversation picked up again, it was about types of music that they listened to (unfortunately they didn’t have a whole lot of bands in common), parts of the world they’d each travelled to throughout their careers (both agreed on Japan being the best), and hobbies (which somehow came back to Crossfit). Still, something throughout it all was amiss, and Finn excused himself to use the restroom when he fell vibrations from his pocket. Hidden away in a stall, he pulled his phone out and saw a text from Becky.

**Becky**   
‘Everything going ok?’

That was a good question. Seth was successful, incredibly attractive, and charming, but there were things that Finn found questionable. It was difficult to tell the difference between confidence and arrogance in this case, but within the past hour there were a lot of moments that seemed oddly competitive as they relayed their personal experiences to one another; it’s not that Seth didn’t have the life experience to back up his claims, but the one upmanship was unnecessary and almost seemed downright compulsive.

**Me**  
‘I think so? He seems like a fine bloke, just...maybe not my type in the long run? Should I cut it off now?’

Ellipses seemed to flash forever before he got a response.

**Becky**  
‘Sometimes it takes a while to get to really no someone! Don’t give up yet! Yr probably rusty from not dating for a while!’

Finn sighed and put his phone away, then exited the stall and washed his hands; she was probably right. As he stood in the doorway on the restroom and readjusted his cuffs, he could see Seth texting as well, and wondered if he was having similar doubts. 

“Hey, sorry,” Seth looked up as he noticed Finn approaching the table. “Just getting an update from my dogsitter.”

“You have a dog? What kind?”

“A yorkie.” Seth held his phone out towards Finn with a picture pulled up. “His name’s Kevin.”

“He’s adorable!” Finn exclaimed before Seth took his phone back.

“You wanna meet him?”

“I-” Finn stopped himself short, the look on Seth’s face hopeful, the insinuation obvious. On one hand, his current emotional state was utterly skewed and somewhat fragile.

On the other hand, he was so lonely that it physically hurt.

Still, there must have been something obvious about his apprehension, and Seth’s expression softened. “Look, we don’t...I’m sorry. That was a dumb thing to say...”

“No, don’t. It’s fine.” Finn softly laughed despite himself. “I think I need a bit more time to think about things. I just...I don’t know.”

“Look, let’s get the check and walk around outside for a bit.” Seth’s voice was soft, all traces of previous pretentiousness gone. “It’s kinda stuffy in here, the beer probably doesn’t help.”

“Yeah, sure.” 

Seth took the initiative to flag their waiter down to get the check, and paid for the entire bill in cash, despite Finn’s protests, his reasoning being that they could get out faster that way.

“If we stop at an atm, I’ll pay you back!” Finn insisted once they were outside, but Seth shook his head.

“Nah man, don’t worry about it. I had a quiet friend like you a while back that got real overwhelmed in places like that, and it seemed like you weren’t doing too hot.”

“Thanks.” It was quiet as they drifted towards a back alley that lead to the water, and Finn contemplated whether or not it was a smart idea to wander around in the dark with a stranger. Sort of stranger? They found a shipping crate and sat atop it, listening to the water.

“I’m from Iowa, so when I first moved out here, I was so amazed by the amount of water. Like the ocean is right there! That’s still incredible to me, like every day it’s just in my backyard.”

“I’ve always lived close to the ocean. It’s one of my only real comforts, because it’s so much bigger than I am, so really my worries don’t matter because one day I’ll be gone, but the ocean will always remain.”

“God, you’re a romantic sap.” Seth snickered

“I guess a little.” Finn giggled back, and he heard Seth exhale.

“So...I feel like I could really like you, but it doesn’t seem like you’re too into me.”

“I…” Finn hesitated again, trying to find words. “Can I be honest with you?”

“Yeah, of course.”

“You’re quite brash, I don’t know if that’s what I want. In fact, I know that’s not what I want. I don’t live a life where I can fit in an ego of that size within my personal space.”

“Ouch.” Seth looked over at Finn. “OK, that’s fair. I think a lot of what I said back there...I might have been trying to impress you. And I tried too hard.”

“Also-”

“Also?”

“I might have feelings for someone else.” Saying those words aloud for the first time stung, and he felt Seth’s gaze intensify.

“Wait for real?” Seth’s voice elevated, a sharpness on its edge.

“I think he’s straight.”

“Oh.” It was a deflated noise, a _knowing_ noise. “Yeah, we’ve all been there, huh?”

“And I’m trying to move on before it gets worse, but I’m not doing a good job, am I? I’ve wasted your evening, my friend’s and your friend’s time and efforts, and-”

“Finn, it’s cool.” Seth reached over and put a hand on Finn’s bicep. “Fucking hell, you do work out, huh? Anyway, I get it. But like, at some point you gotta let that go.”

“I know that, but it’s difficult and it keeps getting worse.” Desperation was thick as Finn spoke, stumbling over words as he tried to express himself to the person that was his date of all things. “Fuck, I’m so sorry.”

“Yeah, well.” Seth’s hand trailed down Finn’s arm slowly, until it reached his wrist. “Y’know, you can still...just ‘cause you have feelings for someone, doesn’t mean that you’re committed to that person.”

“I suppose not.” Finn turned his head, eyes meeting with Seth’s, whose face had gotten very close to his own.

“Maybe you should just forget him for a while? I can help you with that.” 

As a reflexive action, Finn gave a small nod as if to convey ‘I get what you’re saying’ and not ‘yes go ahead’, but Seth’s mouth was on his before he could say anything to clarify, but in the end it didn’t matter and realistically they meant the same thing in that moment. It’d been so long that he’d had physical contact, and Seth’s lips were soft and inviting that he couldn’t help but lose himself for a while. As he opened his mouth and felt Seth’s weight leaning into him, his eyes closed; the brush of beard against his own had his mind quickly supplying him with the fantasy that this was Sami in his arms. It made him hungry, insistent as he kissed back with feverish desire, small moans and grunts spurring him on to go heavier and faster. 

The fantasy shattered when he reached up to cup the back of his head and made contact with the bun there.

“Seth, I can’t!” Finn hurriedly pushed him away, breathing heavily. “I can’t do this right now! I’m too fucked up and this isn’t fair to you at all.”

“Alright, alright.” Seth sounded dazed as he smoothed his hair back. “I hear you loud and clear. But I really don’t think that you’re giving me much of a fair chance.”

“I don’t know if I really can right now.” Finn lamented, shivering as the chill of the air had finally gotten to him. 

“Sure you can, you’re a smart guy. You don’t have to answer now, but I’m thinking we should go out again. Like, put you aside the thoughts of this guy that’ll probably never return your feelings, and I’ll be on my be behavior, totally humble and no egomaniacal bullshit.”

“Let me get back to you about that.”

“Cool.” Seth jumped off of the container, then offered his hand for Finn to get down as well. “Hey, I should really get back to Kevin. Let me know later, OK? I promise that I can make you forget all about him if you let me.”

“Yeah, alright.” Finn allowed Seth to kiss the side of his face and gave a small wave before he took off. Alone he walked back to his apartment in the still streets of Portsmouth, the utter lack of comprehension for what had just transpired overwhelming. Without much thought, he pulled his phone out and brought up Sami’s contact.

**Me**  
‘Sami, we’re friends, right?’

The response was faster than a bullet.

**Sami**  
‘Of course we are! Are you OK? Do you need to talk?’

**Me**  
‘Yeah, I’m in a weird headspace. Just wanted to make sure that...I don’t know.’

**Sami**  
‘I gotcha. Sometimes I get worried that everyone secretly hates me. But I like you a lot, so you don’t have to worry about that with me :)’

**Me**  
‘Good to know. I like you a lot, too. I’m sorry if all this is weird’

In a way, Finn realized that he’d just partially confessed what he felt, albeit via text and as a response to someone that was only trying to cheer him up. A least he now knew that they were definitely friends, a small relief among all of the turbulence that threatened to shake him apart on a semi-regular basis.


	8. Chapter 8

It wasn’t any surprise that Becky was eager for details on the following day at work, and Finn was reluctant to give them due to his embarrassment over what he had confessed to his date.

“Didja hook up at all?” Becky wiggled her eyebrows, and Finn couldn’t hide his mortification.

“Not really.” Finn looked away, feigning interest in an editorial piece in the latest ‘Communication Arts’.

“Not really, huh?”

“I dunno. We kissed, but that was it. It shouldn’t have even gotten that far, really. Don’t think I’m feeling this, my mind’s in too many places.”

“So that’s that, huh?” she sighed.

“He wants to try another date, thinks that maybe we can work something out. I’m still on the fence.”

“Might not be a bad idea.” Becky offered, her intentions noble. As Finn turned the page of the magazine, she changed the subject with, “So I went to a ‘That Handsome Devil’ show with Sami on Wednesday night.”

“Oh?” Finn turned another page, not daring to look up a her face, barely listening to her recount her experience. Every word was like a knife in his chest, a reminder of where he really stood, compounded with festering guilt that he couldn’t be happy for his friend in this one case.

“Hey, you alright? Y’seem tired,” Becky pointed out once Finn stopped responding altogether.

“That’s an understatement,” Finn snorted.

“Well, if that’s the case, I’m gonna get outta your hair. We’ll talk later?” Her voice was full of concern, and he smiled back at her.

“‘Course we will. Take care.”

“Aye. You as well.” Once she left his office, he grabbed his phone, a ‘good morning’ text from Seth, as well as suggestions for a second date, still unanswered. Everything about him felt like too much too soon. However, with Christmas looming, he needed to make a decision fast before he was out of the country for an entire week. On impulse, he sent the address to the cafe, along with a simple “Monday at 7”. The response was quick.

 **Seth**  
‘I don’t know if I can make that…’

No. They weren’t playing this game.

 **Me**  
‘That’s the only time I have available. I’ll understand if you can’t, but I’m afraid my schedule won’t allow for anything else.’

 **Seth**  
‘Well then I’ll be there ;-)’

Part of Finn would have been relieved if Seth had declined and that was the end of it, but another part wanted confirmation about which direction this could all head in; given Seth’s persistence, it was less of a headache to oblige for the time being. As he wrapped up the paperwork for his administrative tasks, he stared at his phone’s screen for a while before he picked it up and selected the phone icon next to Sami’s name. The phone rang three times, and Finn debated hanging up before the ringing stopped.

“Finn?” came Sami’s voice through the speaker.

“Hi Sami! How’re you?” Finn ignored the way his heart hammered.

“I’m good. Great. What’s up? How are you?”

“Stressed. Wanted to see if you were around the store today, maybe...maybe we could hang out?” Finn bit the inside of his cheek, wondering how pathetic he sounded.

“That’d be great! I’m gonna be here late tonight, wanna split a pizza with me?”

“Yeah, I’ll be by in a bit.”

“See you soon.” After they hung up, Finn couldn’t keep himself from grinning, nor could he pack everything up into his messenger bag fast enough to get to his bike. How was everything so effortless with Sami? It seemed like every time he tried to coordinate plans with his peers, even something as simple as grabbing a drink, it was a big production. Not that he often grabbed drinks with anyone.

Using a GPS app, he was able to find the fastest way to NXT Records, taking a few back roads that he had no idea existed before but was thankful to know where they were now for future reference, and glad to now have also explored more nooks and crannies of Portsmouth as well. Getting lost was yet another oddball hobby that he had, and he was curious if, among all the other things the made up his interests, this was just something else deemed “too weird “ that he’d also have to hide from any potential love interests.

Before Finn had the opportunity to chain his bike to the rack outside of the record store, Sami popped his head out the front door to grab his attention.

“Don’t bother doing that, just bring it into my office!” Sami beaconed Finn inside, away from the cold.

“I don’t want to trouble you like that.” Finn still fiddled with the locking mechanism on his chain, until Sami stepped outside and grabbed hold of the handlebars. “Hey!”

“It’s no trouble at all, c’mon.” Sami flashed a smile, and Finn found himself powerless to argue. “By the way, I just checked the weather forecast. Did you know that it might rain tonight?”

“I didn’t.” Finn admitted, a habit that he knew he should quickly develop as a resident of New England.

“Well, it could turn into freezing rain, given how cold it’d been lately. You sure that you wanna stick around? It might be really dangerous to try to make your way home.”

“What’ll you do?” Finn held the door open for Sami, and the bike was lead inside and towards the back of the store.

“Stay put I guess? This building has a generator attached to it, so if the powerlines get knocked down, I’ll be OK. Iunno, it’s way more reliable than the power at my apartment; if I sneeze too loudly there, all the lights go out." Sami turned the knob to the office door and used his shoulder to nudge it open, and Finn rushed over to push it the rest of the way. "But you're more than welcome to join me. There's a mini fridge that's mostly used to store Dean's crappy beer, which you can help yourself to after I close up."

"We'll just see how it goes." Finn shrugged nonchalantly, then eyed Sami's desk, spotting a few sheets of poster board and a set of markers. "What have you got going on over there?"

"Trying to make a few signs, like ads and stuff for sales." After Sami set the kickstand down, he moved over to the other side of the desk and lifted up a sheet to show it to Finn. "This was Dean's attempt. Note that we won't be hanging it up."

"Lookit the bosom on that stick figure." Finn hardly contained his giggles.

"Yeah, real classy that one." Sami rolled his eyes.

“You want me to give it a go?”

“What, you wanna draw a stick figure with boobs, too?”

“No, I’ll make the signs for you.” 

“You’re already doing so much, though. And you don’t even work here!” Sami frowned.

“Don’t worry about it, it’d be my pleasure.” A stray pencil was grabbed off of Sami’s desk, and Finn looked down at the poster board in front of him and tried to visualize winter and holiday themed motifs. Absently, he brought the eraser to his mouth, an automatic reflex when he’d be deep in thought.

“No, don’t do that!” Sami’s exclamation broke Finn’s concentration, and his eyes shot up. “I chew on that eraser all the time!”

“Oh.” The pencil was lowered, and Finn tried not to stare at it. “So...what would you like these to say?”

The chime of the front door sent Sami dashing out of the office faster than Finn could blink, so he gathered up the supplies from off of the desk and followed after him into the storefront. While Sami assisted the customer that had walked in, Finn set everything down in an unoccupied corner and wandered over to his window painting. As he mentally noted what needed to be touched up and what needed to be added, a few raindrops could be seen bouncing off of the sidewalk; if he was to avoid the threat of freezing rain, he needed to leave soon. 

From behind him the cash register was heard opening, and he turned to watch as Sami gave his gratitude for the customer’s business and told them to try to stay dry. Across the room their eyes met, Sami’s smile causing warmth to steadily spread throughout Finn’s face and chest, and for a moment he’s lightheaded.

“I’m sorry, what were you asking me before?” Sami asked once the customer has left, and Finn’s brain to struggled to catch up and form coherent thought. He debated looking outside again, to see if the rain has picked up, but instead he walked over to the supplies that he’d placed on the floor and brought them over to the counter.

“What would you like these to say?” Finn asked again, pencil in hand and ready to go.

Sami eagerly tossed a few ideas out and Finn took his time to neatly write them out, calculating how much space he needed and making small marks here and there to indicate where spacing in between words would go. After a few signs were written up and the letters were traced over with marker and they were finally ready to be drawn on, Sami had a request. “Can you draw a penguin on one?”

“Absolutely.” A roundish shape was sketched out. “Any reason?”

“I really like penguins,” Sami admitted, his demeanor seemingly shy, and Finn looked up from his work.

“I can draw you a whole bunch of penguins, if you’d like.” It was a hurried reply, but Finn couldn’t even bring himself to feel shame anymore, not after making the conscious decision to ignore the weather so that maybe he’d be get to hang out with Sami again for a night.

“Just one’s fine, I don’t want to trouble you THAT much.”

“It’s no trouble at all.”

“I guess I’ll leave it in your hands, then.” Sami scratched the back of his head and walked away and busied himself with the record player that sat behind the register, so Finn quickly got to work, circle and ovals of varying sizes drawn along the bottom edge of the poster board. The shapes were fleshed out into actual penguins, then colored in with the markers while Earth, Wind & Fire played in the background, and from the corner of his eye he could see Sami dancing along to the music as he swept the floors. As Finn put the finishing details on the first poster, Sami’s voice called out from over by the door. “Hey dude, it’s really starting to come down now. I think you might be stuck here.”

“Did you get the pizza?” Finn called back, and jumped a little when a loud **plunk** came from right next to him as a pizza box was dropped down.

“Just arrived.” Sami proudly declared. “The delivery driver was telling me that the roads are bad. You gonna be OK to hang here for the night?”

“We’ve got pizza, beer, and music. What more could one need?” It took ounce of willpower to not helplessly grin, to play it cool.

“Yeah well, help yourself. Hope peppers and onion are OK? Sorry I didn’t ask before, I sort of get this out of habit so that Dean won’t touch it.”

“Perfect.” Finn reached into the box and grabbed a slice, giving himself a chance thoroughly examine his work. Absently, before a bite was taken, he remarked, “You think this is good?”

“There’s so many penguins!” Sami happily squeaked out from over Finn’s shoulder, and he stood frozen as his body and mind rushed in too many directions to process. Sami was close, so close that Finn could smell him. What would happen if he turned around right then to face him? And run hands through his hair or pull him into a kiss? Would Sami kiss him back? Or would he be shocked, maybe angrily kick him out and never want to see him again? It would have to be the latter, right? Nothing in life ever worked out so well, and before Finn could be so bold to find out, Sami had stepped off to the side and picked up the finished poster. Finn remained still, steadily inhaling through his nose to settle his nerves, pressing himself up against the counter to hide any evidence that would betray his thoughts. “I think I’m gonna hang this one up into front of the register!”

“Alright,” Finn acknowledged, nibbling at the forgotten slice to keep himself preoccupied, his imagination still running rampant with ideas, things that he’d like to do on the countertop, or on Sami’s desk, things like-

“Becky says ‘hi’, by the way!” Sami smiled as he multitasked between tearing a piece of Scotch tape and looking at his phone.

“Ah.” Troublesome thoughts immediately dissipated, and Finn felt himself deflate a little. “She told me you went to a concert. How was it?”

“Oh, a lot of fun! She’s great to go to shows with.” Beyond that, Sami didn’t elaborate any further and Finn wasn’t interested in digging for more information; instead, he started on another poster a polished off his piece of pizza.

“Any requests for this one?”

“Nope, dealer’s choice. Also what time does your watch say?”

Finn glanced at his wrist. “Looks like it’s just about 8.” 

“Great, time to lock up here.” 

This was it, the last possible chance for escape from realistically the bad idea this all was. Sami hurried over to the door, and Finn called out, “Sami, wait!”

“Yeah?” Sami spun around, key in hand as he readied it for the lock.

“You’ve got more than one blanket, right?”

“‘Course I do. We’ll both be able stay warm tonight.”

“Very good.” Finn smiled and started to draw on the next piece of poster board. At some point, Sami switched the music over to Wu-Tang Clan’s ‘Enter the 36 Chambers’, and they both bobbed their heads along to lyrics that -frankly- they mostly weren’t able to sing along with, but at very least were able to appreciate. As Sami counted the cash in the register and prepared for the deposit, he’d occasionally bust out “Cash rules everything around me” and Finn would laugh.

“Man, this weather made for shitty sales tonight.” Sami frowned, jotting some numbers onto a carbon paper ledger and shoving a handful of cash and some change into an envelope. “You want a beer?”

“Huh?” Finn looked up from his work.

“I’m gonna run this to the safe, so I can grab you one while I’m back there.”

“Oh, sure.” Finn looked back down and pulled the cap off of the black marker, and minutes later a bottle was placed in between him and the pizza box. “Thanks!”

“No problem.”

“Cheers!” Finn popped the cap off with the bottle opener on his keychain, and noticed that Sami didn’t have a beer of his own. “None for you?”

“I don’t drink.” Sami shook his head as he took a seat behind the register, kicking his legs up onto the counter.

“Is it awkward for me to drink this around you?” 

“Not at all! I offered it to you. Dean usually has a drink out back after his shift’s over, and according to him this stuff’s gonna expire soon, so it’s best not to let it go to waste.” 

“You’re sure?”

“Positive. Drink up.”

“Alright.” Finn took a swig, thankful that it was at least Heineken and not something like Miller Lite. It wasn’t long before a single beer turned into a few, and he knew that it was time to cut himself off when he could no longer keep his linework steady. Now slumped over the countertop to support himself, he felt the phone in his pocket vibrate, and as expected, the text message was from Seth. “Oh, for fuck’s sake...”

“What’s up?” Sami looked over, and Finn slid off of the counter to lay down on the floor, his hands covering his face. When he finally uncovered it, he found himself looking up at Sami, who stood over him. “Everything alright?”

“Yeah, it’s just...this guy. He texts me almost non-stop, and Christ almighty I really don’t think I want to go on this second date but-” Finn’s eyes went wide with realization, horrified over what he had just revealed, and he covered his mouth as his breathing ceased entirely.

“Finn?” Sami sat next to him on the floor, and Finn felt paralyzed and helpless.

“I...I-” Tears could be felt welling at the corner of his eyes, and he blinked them back. “Oh god. Fuck me standing, I-”

“Finn, it’s...dude, it’s OK.” 

“N-no, I didn’t mean it, I was just...I was just…” Finn couldn’t reach an excuse in time, and instead rolled onto his side, away from Sami. “Fuck, I’m sorry.”

“What? You have _nothing_ to be sorry for, holy shit. Finn.” A hand reached out and was placed on Finn’s shoulder, giving it a reassuring squeeze, Sami’s voice gentle. “So if you don’t want to go on this second date, then why are you doing it?”

Finn took a deep breath. “Because he seems to think that we could click, but it’s tough to see that happening if I’m being perfectly honest. The first one wasn’t so great, but he said he was having some weird nervous reflex where he got all weird and competitive, and I don’t think I was really giving him a fair shot in general, so he asked if we could try again without any pretenses.”

“But you don’t want to.” Sami reiterated.

“He...our personalities don’t seem to line up? And he texts me so much, Sami. I barely know him, it’s all so odd to me. I just want to get this over with at this point. Maybe he just wants to hook up? Maybe if I just sleep with him, he’ll leave me alone.”

“Maybe he just really likes you because you’re likable?” The hand remained firmly planted.

“HA!” Finn barked out. “I got called out for being shy like _immediately_. Felt great. So likable.”

“You are likable, and that’s rude. And forget him. You’re not obligated to talk to him or see him again.”

“I...I know that.” The buzz only seemed to get stronger the more Finn stressed. “But, I really should give it another shot. Just to either prove to myself that I was right and that it won’t work out, or maybe it will and this’ll be my happily ever after.”

“Do you think he’ll actually leave you alone if it doesn’t work out?”

“Who knows.” Now no longer as concerned, Finn rolled back over and onto his other side, his face at one of Sami’s knees. With an exhale he rested his forehead against the kneecap, brain hazy and uncertain what level of physical contact was acceptable with someone that he’d just come out to. “I hate dating, I really do. I hardly ever get to actually know someone on a date, and this wouldn’t be the first time that I fucked everything up because I’m inept at being social.”

“You’re not.”

“I am. You have no idea.” 

“Well...I don’t think you are.” Sami chuckled.

“Sami?”

“Yeah?”

Finn sighed, his brain swirling with multiple questions, and he was glad to be on the floor, in a place where he couldn’t see Sami’s face. “What do you think of Legos?”

“That may be the most random question I’ve ever gotten, and I work in retail.”

“Sorry.” Finn closed his eyes, his heart sinking like a stone.

“Don’t be. They’re awesome? I had like a basic set when I was a kid, but that was it since the kits were really expensive and it was either that or wrestling action figures on my birthday. Have you ever seen some of the really intricate sculptures that people make out of them? The toy store a few blocks away usually has something really cool from local artists in their front display window.”

“Oh.” Finn’s eyes opened. “Yeah, I live right around the corner from there.”

“Can I ask why?”

“Why what? That I live there? It’s right on the busline and rent isn’t too bad, and-”

“No, I mean why did you ask me about Legos?”

“Ah. Well...supposedly you’re not supposed to talk about stuff like that when you go on dates. Or comics or anything, so basically I can’t talk about most of my hobbies because they’re too weird or whatever.” Finn waved his hands dramatically in the air. “Being an adult’s the worst.”

“It really is.” Sami agreed. “Except you can have pizza and Lucky Charms for dinner every night if you want to, so that’s cool.”

“I suppose.” A smile crept up on Finn’s face.

“And you can hang out on the floor of your very own record store with your drunk friend and gripe about terrible dates.”

“Guess it’s not all bad after all.” They both started to giggle, which escalated into full blown laughter, until Sami was also laying on the floor, parallel to Finn as he clutched his side. “This is such a stupid thing to laugh about! It’s not even that funny!”  


“Good company’ll do that I guess?” Sami was breathless as he responded, and Finn wiped away a few stray tears.

“We’re just a pair of goofs.” Finn confirmed with a nod, stealing glances at Sami and wondering how subtle he really was in his current state of mind. Probably not very. 

Right then, as Wu-Tang Clan warned him to protect his neck over the speakers, he found himself not caring.


	9. Chapter 9

“Mornin’ boys!” Dean’s voice rang out as the door to the office swung open, and Finn groggily stirred from his spot on the couch. Over on the recliner, Sami still peacefully snored away, and Dean snorted as he casually tossed his coat right on top of him. “Look at this fucking dweeb, huh? You guys have a good sleepover?”

“Uh.” Finn didn’t quite know how to respond and rubbed his eyes. After collapsing on the floor out front, he didn’t have much recollection as to what else happened. He remembered accidentally coming out to Sami, and Sami not seeming to care about. So that was good? “It went fine?”

“Great. Good.” Dean nodded, not seeming to actually be listening as he took a seat in the swivel chair, kicking his feet up on top of the desk as he eyed Finn. “So uh...that your art hangin’ up all over the place out there?”

“I just made a few signs, that’s all.” 

“Not a single hot lady or nothin’.”

“No, sorry.” 

“S’alright, Sami’s not too big on hot lady art hangin’ up in his store. Says it’s got something to do with alienating the customer base, even though I _strongly_ disagree.” With his pinky finger, Dean picked at his teeth. “BUT my man here writes the checks, and they always clear, so I can’t fuss too much.”

“No hot ladies,” Sami croaked out, stretching his arms from underneath the coat and then wrapping it around himself like a blanket. 

“I know, OK.” Dean huffed out. 

“We’ve been over it. You never listen.” Sami continued while Dean made faces mocking him and Finn tried not to laugh. “And you always say that you know, but then you go ahead and draw one on a sign and try to sneak it by me. Every time, Dean.”

“What am I, on trial here? This is America, baby, free country. Not sure what tyrannical shit you’re runnin’ up there in Canaidia-”

“Canada.”

“Fuckin’...THIS RIGHT HERE’S WHAT I’M TALKIN’ ABOUT.” Dean shouted, sitting upright and slamming his palms onto the desktop.

“DUDE, SHUT UP.” Sami shouted back.

“Lotta gratitude you’re showin’ to the guy that cleaned up the bottles all over the front AND didn’t eat the leftover pizza.” Dean crossed his arms and glared over at Sami.

“Thank you for cleaning up all four of the bottles. And you wouldn’t have eaten the pizza anyway.” Sami rolled his eyes and turned his attention to Finn, ignoring the “you’re welcome” that was muttered in his direction. “You sleep well?”

“Yeah, of course.” Finn smiled warmly, still nestled under the Simpsons’ comforter. “But uh...I probably can’t stick around much longer. I’ve got to handle some prep work for the interim classes that I need my computer for.”

“I gotcha.” Sami nodded while Finn stood up, and there was a moment of silence that was uncomfortable as they almost seemed to avoid looking at one another. “You uh...still going on that date?”

“Huh? Oh yeah. Yeah, just...I don’t know. I guess. We’ll see if Seth can behave, and if not-”

“Hold the fuckin’ phone.” Dean interrupted with a snarl. “Did you just say ‘Seth’?”

“Yeah?” Finn turned to look at Dean, his brows raised.

“Seth Rollins?” Hostility vibrated from off of Dean.

“How’d you-”

“Not a very common name, and even less dudes around here that are into other dudes that’re named ‘Seth’. He’s an old colleague of mine a few years back.”

Finn recalled the conversation the with Seth a few nights ago, the long story about how he’d separated from his associates; judging from Dean’s body language, it was safe to assume that he may be one of them. “Is that why you’re here now?”

“Yeah.” Dean folded his arms behind his head, his eyes like steel. “That fucker got me and another guy fired. All my benefits, job security, prospect of pension...poof. Gone. Overnight.”

“Dean,” Sami started, but was promptly ignored.

“Word’ve advice?” Dean continued to stare straight ahead, burning holes with his glare. “Stay the fuck away from him. Nothing good can come of that hot mess.”

“He didn’t seem _that_ bad…” Finn rubbed at the back of his neck.

“No, he doesn’t.” Dean agreed, a wry smile over tightened lips.

“I’ll...consider it.” Finn wasn’t sure why he sounded so shaky. “Sami, I’ll see you around?”

“Of course.” Sami nodded. The bicycle was brought out front, and with his knit cap pulled over his head, Finn pedaled back home and tried not to think about Dean’s words. He just needed to get through the next few days, through Monday evening. Instead, he tried to recall, to the best of his ability, what had happened the night before. He remembered talking about Legos, about being an adult. He remembered being on the floor with Sami next to him and laughing until they were both breathless, and from there it got foggy; had he said something stupid in his drunken state? Words slowly filtered in, or rather sentiments, that seemed too familiar. 

Hesitation. Uncertainty. Fear. 

As he waited a red light, a large U-Haul truck flew through the intersection, its tires hitting a puddle and sending water in every which direction. Finn remembered the rain, remembered how it started to pour, but the raindrops froze mid-air and so they made loud noises as they collided with the roof. 

Sami had caught him staring.

Sami’s eyes were brown, a beautiful chestnut hue, and Finn had tried to look away from them but he couldn’t until it was too late. 

He’d apologized a few times, had stammered and tripped over words. He trembled and shook. Sami smiled and...Finn remembered his own mouth opening. More words fell out. Sami stopped smiling.

_”You’re drunk, Finn.”_

The light turned green, the car behind him honked its horn, and Finn shook his head and started to pedal again. 

It took every ounce of effort to wait until he was back in the safe haven of his apartment to vomit.

For the better part of weekend, after he brushed his teeth and changed into pajama pants, Finn worked. He stared at his laptop screen far into the evening, occasionally pausing to choke back sobs until they’d turn to hiccups, then would resume typing. Food was mostly ignored, his appetite completely gone, and he didn’t sleep much, either. Something was said, something so terrible that it made Sami grow serious and the words “you’re drunk” were uttered, and maybe that’s why he couldn’t maintain eye contact when they woke up. Finn dropped his head into his hands and shuddered. 

On Sunday afternoon, another text message alert went off; rather than read the contents of the message, Finn saw that Seth sent it, picked up the phone, and pressed on his contact. It rang only once before it was picked up.

“Hey there,” came Seth’s voice from the other line, sounding pleasantly surprised, yet still laden with smugness.

“Seth, I-”

“Whoa, hold on, you sound terrible right now.” The concern seemed genuine, but Finn still wanted to hang up. “That’s...that’s not what I meant. You sound tired. That’s all.”

“I am. And...look, I’m not sure if we should go out on Monday. I didn’t want to be an arse and tell you through text, but I don’t know if I can do this.”

“Is it because of that guy?”

Finn held a breath before answering. “Yes.”

“The guy that you think is straight, right? That guy? The guy that you’ll never get the chance to be with ever?” Seth’s voice was flat and emotionless as he spoke, and somehow that made everything hurt even more that it already did.

“I’m being selfish by wasting your time when I have this mess to sort out,” Finn tried to explain, but was Seth laughed incredulously. 

“Finn, I’m better than that guy, but you’re not gonna realize it until you give me a fair shot.”

“I don’t want ‘better’, though. I want _him_ , and I can’t quite convince myself yet that I don’t.”

“And I can help you with that if you’d just let me.” There was an exasperated sigh. “C’mon, it’s one evening. That’s it. I’ll back off if you’re still all hung up on this...this Straight Guy.” 

“Alright. Fine.” Finn finally agreed, and could practically hear Seth grinning.

“Great. See you tomorrow at 8.”

“Yeah. Tomorrow at 8.” Finn repeated before the call was disconnected, and the phone placed on the end table. A decorative pillow was grabbed and then screamed into, again and again until his throat was sore and sleep finally claimed him.

The weather forecast was checked several times for Monday, and while snow was predicted, it wasn’t until later in the evening, possibly even on early Tuesday morning. Finn debated contacting Seth again and saying that he wasn’t feeling well, which wouldn’t have been a lie, but yet again he reminded himself that Sami wasn’t an option; something was said on Friday night that solidified that, and for the life of him he couldn’t recall what it was so that he could at least apologize about it.

Unlike their first date, Finn elected to dress down considerably this time; the v-neck shirt, cardigan, and khakis that we wore to work were left on, as were his glasses. He glanced at himself in the mirror, and noted the bags under his eyes were much darker than usual. Pity. For a mere second while he debated shaving, and even went so far as to turn the faucet on and gathered his razor and shaving cream, but couldn’t muster the willpower to commit to it. 

“No false pretenses,” Finn muttered to himself as he turned the water off and walked out of the bathroom. He was unkempt. He was exhausted. This was him was in his element and he comfortable with that, and this was the version of himself that Seth would need to meet if they were to get to actually know each other. A glance at his wristwatch told him that it was time to go downstairs, but he waited just a few minutes more as he transitioned from nerves to something untroubled; it wasn’t apathy that had settled in, but rather an empowering sensation as he recognized that this was being done somewhat on his terms.

The short journey was taken down the stairs, onto the sidewalk, and through the front door of the cafe, where Finn scanned the room. In an unusual turn of events, Alexa, not Bayley, stood guard at the register, and she rolled her eyes at Finn as soon as he stepped foot inside.

“Lovely to see you too, Alexa,’” Finn smiled as he stepped up to the counter.

“Here to loiter for the night, Professor?” Alexa’s lip curled upward.

“Absolutely.” Finn teased. This was exactly what he needed, someone to sharpen himself against. “I’m here to spend money, Alexa. You know that.”

“Make it quick.”

“Very well. Say, what’s that drink that Sami usually gets?”

“Grandpa hat Sami?” She couldn’t be bothered to hide her irritation. “He gets a chai latte, but he always calls it a masala latte. He’s so weird.”

“Can I get a masala latte for here?” 

Wordlessly, she turned around and Finn could tell that the rib had her fuming. He opened his wallet and pulled out a $5 bill, which she took from him once she turned back around with his drink. As she rang him up, he peered into the cup and saw a flower drawn in the foam. “Alexa?”

“What.” She held her hand out with his change, which he accepted and dropped into the tip cup.

“Your latte art’s really improved.”

“Oh.” She looked taken aback, and a small smile crept up on her face, her disposition softening. “Thanks. Uh, Finn?”

“Yeah?”

“I’m probably closing up early tonight, because of the snow and because I have to take the bus home. It’s just...Bayley told me that you’re usually here kinda late, and I took this shift for her and I have finals to study for and-” 

“I understand. So when are they predicting that it’ll pick up? Last I checked it wasn’t supposed to be until after midnight.” Finn felt oddly proud, as though he was a true New Englander right then, like he belonged somewhere.

“They’re saying maybe around 10? And it’s supposed to get bad.”

“Excellent. I’ll be out of your hair by then.” Finn smiled, then took his mug and wandered over to the thankfully empty back corner table. Before he could sit down and get comfortable, the bells rang out, and a familiar two-toned hair man stepped through the doorway. 

“Hey-ey, Finn!” Seth walked over and dragged out his greeting, and as Finn turned to shake his hand, he was pulled into a tight embrace, tensing up when he felt a kiss planted on his cheek.

“Hi Seth,” he responded far less animatedly than his date, waiting to be released, and took a seat once he finally was.

“Cute place.” Seth commented, draping his blazer over the back of the chair. “So uh, do they have waitstaff here, or…” 

“They’ll bring your drinks over if it’s not too busy, but you order up front. The barista’s really stressed right now, so maybe just wait for it up there?”

“Yeah, but isn’t it her job to bring it over?”

“It’s her job to take your money and it’s her job to make your order. Bringing over is a courtesy, not a necessity.”

“Alright. I just think it seems kind of ridiculous that she wouldn’t bring it over, that’s all.”

“Noted.” Finn took a sip of his drink, no longer interested in arguing about procedures or etiquette of the place that he visited every single day for the past four months of his life. A few minutes later, Seth returned with a mug of his own.

“Man, you weren’t kidding about being tired.” Seth cracked a grin as he studied Finn’s face.

“Astute observation.” Finn remarked with a cocked eyebrow.

“You not sleeping well or something?” 

“I’m a educator, Seth.” Finn laughed. “I don’t know the meaning of ‘rest’.”

“Well you should. You know that’s a key component in health and recovery, right?”

“Of course I do, but I’m hardly afforded the opportunity.” Finn took another sip, his brain searching for anything neutral to discuss, determined to give this a fair shot as promised. “Anyway, how was your weekend?”

“Aw man, it kinda sucked! The weather was too shitty to go out, y’know? I mean, I found a rock climbing gym, so that was cool, but like I mostly stayed inside and played video games.”

“You don’t like rainy days?”

“I might like ‘em if I lived in New York or LA, where there’s stuff to actually do.” Seth scrunched his nose. “Why, do you?”

“Reminds me of home a little.” Finn smiled wistfully, staring into his half-empty cup. “I don’t mind being indoors and watching the rain or snow fall from my window, y’know? I get a chance to simply breathe and exist for a short while, to curl up and read, or to enjoy a cup of coffee. My life’s so chaotic and laden with expectations that I appreciate it when Mother Earth ‘erself tells me to take it easy for just a bit.”

“Huh. Guess that’s one way of looking at it.” A hush overcame the table as they both enjoyed their beverages, and Finn felt something brush against his ankle, and caught a mischievous glint in Seth’s eye. “Especially if you’ve got someone to share them with.”

“Seth…” Finn hunched his shoulders a little and pulled his ankle away. “I don’t-”

“What?” Seth’s brow furrowed. “You’re getting weird again. Are you thinking about _him_? I thought you said that you weren’t going to.”

“No, that’s not it at all.” Finn’s eyes widened in surprise at the sudden accusation. It was the honest truth, aside when he had placed his drink order and wanted to ruffle Alexa’s feathers a little bit, Finn hadn’t thought of Sami once since he he’d gotten home from work and prepared himself for this date.

“That so? Well what’s the issue?”

“Issue? This level of confrontation, to start. Seth, I’m just not comfortable with this level of physical contact yet. I hardly know you.”

“Dude, we’ve texted every day for like the past week.” Seth pointed out. “I’ve been _trying_ to get to know you, it’s not my fault that you’re all walled up.”

“And maybe I’m not comfortable with that, either. Christ, I’ve told you that I have work. I have finals to deal with and papers to grade.” Finn kept a hand near his pocket, ready to present his phone with the text messages as evidence in his side of this conversation. “And telling me that you just got done working out and sending me a picture to ‘prove it’ or whatever isn’t exactly getting to know one another.”

“C’mon, nothing like a little friendly competition to make things fun.” The odd antagonism suddenly dropped to something playful, and it made Finn uncomfortable.

“Which I’ve also told you before that I’m not interested in dealing with when it comes to any sort of partner.” Finn asserted. There was a heavy exhale as he clasped his hands together in front of him, the warning that Dean had imparted before he left the record store Saturday morning rang loudly in his head. “Look, we’re already arguing and being accusatory, and it’s just our second date. This...this can’t be a good sign.” 

“And that super hot kiss wasn’t some kind of sign?” The smugness in the way that Seth presented his counter crawled right under Finn’s skin, and he narrowed his eyes. “You got REALLY into that, y’know.”

“It was one kiss. And it probably never should have happened.” It was difficult to keep a level voice, when every comment seemed to needle and worm its way further into his nerves. “Is that why you wanted to see me again?”

“Isn’t that...why you agreed to meet up again?” Seth’s face dropped, all traces of condescending self-satisfaction gone and replaced by confusion. “Thought that you wanted to forget about this dude that you have feelings for like a while, not…y’know.” 

“Honestly, I’m not really sure what I’m doing. You were insistent that we meet up again, and I...I’m very lost right now. What were **you** trying to accomplish in all of this?” 

Seth shrugged. “My friend said that her friend had a hot friend that’s single. Didn’t really have any real expectations. But...you’re not even a little curious to see what kind of chemistry we could have?”

“Well, considering that I’ve failed chemistry multiple times in high school and art’s my career, no, not really.” Finn dropped his gaze off to the side, his expression softening. “Look, I’m really sorry if...if maybe that lead you on. That was never my intent, and in the heat of the moment I made a mistake at your expense.”

“Yeah well,” as Seth started on what seemed to be some sort of long-winded rant, the bell chimed again, and reflexively Finn looked up and over Seth’s shoulder to see who was at the door (and ignored the way that he could see Alexa stare at him from his peripheral vision). As soon as the figure stepped through the doorway, Finn felt his heart in his throat. 

Sami.

All sounds were drowned out as Finn helplessly watched Sami move over to the register to place his order, the table he sat at located in such a way that it couldn’t be seen too well from the door. His limbs felt like lead when all he wanted to was get up and say hi, or apologize for whatever stupid thing he might’ve said, or do anything other than remain at this table with someone that he didn’t really want to be with. 

“God, now you have the professor doing that,” Alexa’s voice, sharper than any blade, cut through the haze. “It’s ridiculous. Just call it a ‘chai’ latte.”

“Is...is Finn here?” Sami peaked around the corner of the register, and their eyes locked, his smile warmth and light and made it so hard for Finn to breathe right then or focus on anything else. It appeared as though he was about to approach the table, but Finn saw the way that his eyes drifted over to Seth, and he immediately took a few steps backwards, as though to retreat behind the register.

“Are you even listening?” Finn heard Seth ask.

“My friend’s here!” Finn hurriedly blurted out, and Sami suddenly froze, uncertainty evident on his face. Seth turned around in his seat to look at the person that had Finn's attention, then again at Finn. "I-"

"Your friend, huh? That's...that's him, isn't it?" Seth sighed, and Finn nodded instinctively, a light blush forming as soon as he realized that he had confirmed it without much provocation.

"Is it that obvious?" Finn quietly asked.

"You don't look at me like that, I can tell you that much." Seth grumbled and stood up. "You know, you're missing out on something amazing. I'm a really good time."

"Perhaps, but perhaps not for me." Finn smiled politely.

"Whatever. It’s your loss, not mine. Good luck with _that_." Seth grabbed his blazer and swung it over his shoulder, going out of his way to knock his arm into Sami's as he walked by, and snarling, "Hey, watch it!" at him.

"Sorry!" Sami chuckled nervously, his hands up to show no sign of aggression. After the door opened and Seth disappeared into the night, Sami slowly walked over to the table. With a low, gentle tone, he greeted with a simple “Hi.”

“Hi.” Finn parroted, desperately hoping that he didn’t look completely awestruck, like maybe he could pull off the illusion of being a normal functioning adult just for once.

“Was that your date?” The way that Sami spoke seemed almost delicate, and Finn’s pulse quickened as he wondered just how badly he’d fucked everything up.

“It was. Not anymore.”

“Did...did I do something?” 

“What? God no, Sami. No, I fucked that one up on my own, thank you very much. That’s all I ever do.” Self-deprecating laughter bubbled from Finn’s throat and past his lips, and an ache settled into his chest, nestling into the void that his sensibility once took residence in. When he couldn’t read Sami’s face, he thought of the metaphorical safety net that he relied so heavily on throughout his entire adult life, and made yet another cut at the ropes. “Would you like to have a seat?”

“Are you sure? I don’t want to bother you...”

Another cut was made. Finn gestured to the empty seat across from him.

“I think I’d rather have you here than anyone else at this point.” He smiled.

“Sure.” Sami sat down, and Finn took one last sip from his mug. 

“You didn’t get anything?” 

“Huh? Oh, I did but I think I got distracted by...all that. Whatever it was.” It was Sami’s turn to laugh, but settled just as quickly as it had began. As if on cue, a ceramic mug was set on the table, and Alexa walked away. Sami smiled and called out, “Thank you!” 

“Sami,” Finn started, and paused. “I said something on Friday, didn’t I?”

“You did.” There was a nod, the words laced with caution, and Sami took a long sip of his drink.

“Thing is, I can’t recall what it was. I’ve racked my brain to the point of madness this entire weekend, but I still can’t…” Finn rubbed his temples. “I must’ve made an arse of myself. I’m so sorry.”

“No, don’t-” Sami quickly shook his head. “It’s not anything to apologize for, really. Actually, I um...it’s sort of why I’m here?”

“Come again?”

“I was hoping you’d be down here tonight because I wanted to talk. In person. But I swear I didn’t know that you would be on your date tonight, though. Here. Sorry.” He spoke with his hands, waving them about wildly, as if to emphasize his sincerity.

“Sorry? Nonsense. You didn’t know, and I should probably be thanking you, really.” The pause that followed felt as though it hastily enveloped the space they shared, and Finn took a quick glance to see if anyone else was around; as of that moment, it was just them and a fretful Alexa that occupied the cafe, her gaze fixed on the front window where large white snowflakes could be seen descending outside. “Can I ask you something, though?”

“Yeah, of course.”

“Do you think this conversation will be a while?”

“Ah.” Sami looked down and picked at a loose thread that hung from the cuff of his jacket. “I don’t know. You probably have work in the morning, though. It doesn’t have to be tonight, it can wait.”

“I’m not worried about that. It’s just that Alexa needs to close up soon, and I’d rather not keep her for much longer. She’s got finals to study for and ace.” Off to the side, he could see her smile.

“Oh shit, no I don’t...another time, it’s fine. It’s not important.”

“Well.” Finn stared across the table, watching the way that Sami wrenched his hands, and questioned the numerous possibilities that could be responsible for this reaction. If…

Finn swallowed hard.

The final cut was made.

“Would you like to come upstairs?”

Sami’s head jerked up, and Finn could feel the safety net fall, dropping far into the abyss where it could no longer be recovered. “Up to your place? Is that OK? I don’t want to intrude.”

“It’s fine.” They stared at one another, and when Sami finally nodded, Finn felt his throat go dry. 

“Alright. Yeah.” 

“Let’s go, then.”


	10. Chapter 10

The climb up the staircase had never seemed steeper in the four months that Finn resided in his apartment than it did that night in December. Wordlessly, he ascended with Sami in tow, footsteps loudly echoing off of the walls, practically deafening by the time they reached the top of the stairs. With trembling hands, the key to the door was retrieved from a front pocket, and miraculously it wasn’t dropped as Finn steadied himself and inserted it into the lock.

“I uh...y’know, I just realized that in all the time I’ve been here, I’ve never had anyone over before.” Finn quietly laughed, turning the knob to open the door. 

“It’s not easy when you move to a new city,” Sami gently offered, and without turning to look at him, Finn nodded in agreement.

“So, it’s not much, but...” Finn trailed off and gestured to the main area, closing the door behind them, then slipped his shoes off in the front entryway. “It’s cozy.”

“It’s nice.” Sami cautiously made his way into the kitchen and glanced around, seeming to gravitate towards the large bay window. A light switch was flicked on, illuminating the entirety of the kitchen-livingroom combo, and Finn remained in the doorway as he watched Sami interact with his home. “Wow, there’s...so many plants.”

“Can’t have a dog or a cat here, so plants it was. It started with a pothos, but then I kept bringing more home and everything spiraled out of control.”

“Dean really likes plants, too.” A smile was flashed in Finn’s direction, something small and intimate that made his chest seize up momentarily. Sami continued to look around, as though he was stalling for time, but Finn couldn’t find his voice to draw attention to this, nor did he really want to. As the bay window was at long last approached, the snow flurries having intensified in their accumulation, it was as though Sami refused to look out at them and instead kept his eyes off to the side, towards the fridge. Suddenly, a soft gasp punctured the otherwise still room. “My snowflake!”

“Oh.” Heat crept up into Finn’s face, and he dropped his eyes to the floor the moment Sami looked over at him. “Yeah, I told you I would.”

“I didn’t think you were being serious.” 

“So, you wanted to talk.” Finn finally suggested, uneasy that he’d been caught, as though Sami could now read his mind. “Should we sit?”

“I guess. That’s probably a good idea, huh?”

Finn waited for Sami to claim a spot first, and internally cringed when the wingback recliner was what he had selected; then again, perhaps Finn needed to be removed from his comfort zone in order to face whatever this was head on. The expectant look that he received from Sami beaconed him over to the living room area, and Finn sat on the loveseat, on the cushion furthest away from the recliner. 

“You have so much cool stuff around here. When you were talking about Legos the other night, for some reason I didn’t think that maybe you collected them. That pirate ship is really awesome, though.” Sami pointed towards the mantel of the non-functional fireplace, where several finished Lego constructs were displayed.

“Building them helps me relax. It’s almost cathartic.” As Finn explained, he grabbed ahold of one of the decorative pillows and tightly clung to it. “It’s awfully childish, I suppose. A lot of my hobbies are. My parents tease me sometimes, saying they haven’t had to change the way that they shop for gifts for me in years.”

“Is that a bad thing?”

“Maybe to some. I’ve stopped caring.” Finn chuckled.

“I don’t think it’s a bad thing at all.” Sami stated with absolute conviction, and Finn’s face fell.

“I...don’t talk about this kind of stuff with a lot of people. There’s no room for it in everyday conversation, no room for it when you’re on an elevator with a group of strangers. I don’t really know how to make small talk anymore, don’t know how to fit in anywhere. I talk to my plants, because they need the carbon dioxide, but also they won’t judge me.” Somewhere along the line, Finn’s voice had gotten progressively smaller. 

“Am I easy to talk to?” Sami looked directly at Finn as he asked.

“You’re probably the first person in years that I’ve had no trouble talking to, no trouble just existing around.” Finn admitted.

“That means a lot to hear.”

“Why?” 

“You’re...I don’t want to intrude. I don’t want to make you uncomfortable or overstep boundaries.”

“No, why does it matter what I have to say about you? Why does my opinion matter?”

“Because.” Sami ran his hands over his face. “Friday night.”

Silence engulfed the room yet again.

“What did I say? Please tell me, Sami. I can’t remember and I don’t know what I did or said and I’m so sorry.” Finn’s heart erratically pounded as he pleaded.

“You didn’t say or do anything bad. You were talking about how you didn’t want to go on the date.”

“I remember that.” Finn acknowledged.

“And I asked if you wanted another slice of pizza, because you barely touched it and you had a few beers, so I think the alcohol kicked in hard for you. And you didn’t respond to me so I looked over at you to make sure that you were OK.”

“That would explain how just four beers knocked me senseless.”

“Right. So I looked over, and you were just staring up at me. I asked what was wrong, and you started apologizing immediately, like you were scared. It didn’t make any sense, so I tried to explain to you, in your drunken state, that you didn’t have anything to be sorry about.”

“Is that why you reminded me that I was drunk?”

“No.”

“No? Then…then what?”

A few seconds passed. “Because without a hint of insincerity, you asked why I couldn’t be your date instead of Seth.”

Finn’s blood froze. Several more seconds passed. "I was drunk."

"You were drunk." Sami reiterated, gaze now fixed to his lap. He took his hat off and began to fidget with it. "And I wish that you weren't."

Questions raced through Finn’s mind at speeds that broke the sound barrier, but he couldn’t begin to will himself to dare speak of them, and instead he instinctively apologized over and over.

“Finn, can I ask you something?” Sami interrupted the beginning stages of this impromptu atonement process, and Finn blinked.

“Of course.” 

“This might sound weird, but did you ever-” Sami audibly swallowed. “Were you ever on any dating websites?”

“A while back. I gave it a shot but it wasn’t for me. Got a few too many messages that made me uncomfortable, and then when one of my students managed to find me, I panicked and deactivated just about everything.”

“Ah.”

“May I ask why?”

With each passing moment, Sami seemed to retreat further into himself, until he finally let go of a deep breath and let it hang in the air. “A few months ago, I signed up for OKCupid. I don’t really know why, I think I saw an ad for it on the bus earlier that day, and I was working late and everything is a good idea at 2am; but regardless I had signed up. Nothing really ever even came of it, maybe I didn’t fill out my profile well enough? Like I didn’t really get too many messages or anything, but I guess I’m not surprised.”

Another deep breath was taken and released, and Sami continued. “I...so I tried to get brave about it. I tried to take the initiative and message people myself. A few people, not a whole lot because...god I don’t know. Because people are on that website looking for true love or whatever and I’m like...this dweeb that drinks too much coffee and is married to a dying form of media and has no real prospects. Anyway-”

“Sami?”

“Yeah?”

Finn shook his head. “No, keep going.” 

“Alright. Um...it’s December now, right? Yeah. So I think...late August? That sounds about right. It’s a slow day at work, and I’m sitting there with Dean, and he’s like over my shoulder watching as I mindlessly scroll through all of these profiles. And I’m about to log off, but then I came across this one in particular that,” Sami laughed, but it was tinged with sorrow. “It’s a guy on a coin-operated horse. And he looked so happy, and he’s got these really cool tattoos and this pug shirt.”

“That’s-” Finn’s eyes widened.

“So I clicked on it. And his profile says that he’s in his 30s and admittedly shy, that he’s an educator and an artist. That he loves animals, especially dogs and giraffes. He lives off of coffee and collects vinyls and is a huge nerd. I...” Sami’s voice started to shake, and Finn leaned forward, listening intently. “I looked at Dean, and I told him ‘oh my god, he’s perfect’. And Dean told me to message him right then, but I didn’t listen. I waited. I waited for a week, trying to figure out what to even say. How do you break the ice with someone like _that_?”

“Holy shit, Sami.” Finn whispered.

“I waited a week. I typed something up every night and deleted it, and every day Dean would be on my case to send the message. But I was an idiot and I kept waiting, and I was so scared and my message had to be perfect. And...and I finally hit ‘send’, but it was an accident? It was just a ‘hi, you seem really nice, I own a record store and maybe we could get coffee sometime’, something so...so fucking stupid. But the next day, when I went to check if maybe there was a response, because I’d spent the entire night between panicking about being a dumbass and ruining my shot, while telling myself that maybe my dorkiness was charming and that this person was going to instantly fall in love with me because that’s how it works in the movies.” Yet another pause, and Finn could see Sami’s bottom lip quiver, his eyes closed as well. “The profile was gone. Just...just not there. Like it never existed. Like I spent an entire week constructing this fucking fantasy over a man that was never going to know or even care that I existed, and could do way better anyway so it didn’t matter. Like maybe my message drove him away.”

“I never, Sami-” Finn couldn’t get the rest of the words out, his tongue too heavy.

“So I spent 3 months being infatuated over someone that I never even got to talk to, it was ridiculous. Heartbroken over a defunct dating profile, that’s exactly the kind of thing that I **would** do. Then you showed up in my record store like a month ago, I wondered if it was you, but I couldn’t tell; without the pug shirt or seeing the tattoos, how could I know for sure? The guy had sunglasses and a hat on in the picture, y’know? I had nothing to go off of. So I just kept hoping, even praying, for any sort of sign. Then I got to know you better, and...I still hoped that maybe you were him, but I also kind of stopped caring because-”

“Because?”

Sami shuddered. “Because I got to like _you_ so much that it didn’t matter whether or not you were.”

“So...was that why you were acting so odd when you saw my tattoos?” The dots were connected.

“Yeah.” Sami hung his head, his voice breaking. “Yeah, I saw the tattoos and the t-shirt, and I didn’t know what to do. For a split second, I was so excited because I was like ‘YES, FINALLY’. Except then you said that you had a date, and I realized that yet again I had fucked up and waited too long to do anything. Or maybe like...maybe you recognized who I was and I was never any good enough.”

“Sami, I never got your message!” Finn was able blurt out at last, practically shouting, on the verge of hysterics. He ran hands through his hair. “I must’ve deactivated my profile before I even checked. I was so tired of getting propositioned for sex, guys telling me that I could ‘ride their pony’ or whatever-”

“I’m sorry, excuse me?” Sami burst out laughing, then covered his mouth as he tried to stop himself.

“The mechanical horse photo.” Finn rolled his eyes. “Anyway...fuck, could you just come sit over here already?”

“OK. OK. Sure.” Sami stammered and nodded, slowly standing up and taking a seat on the two-seater sofa next to Finn. 

“And why are you still in your coat?”

“Sorry.” The zipper was fumbled with and pulled down, and Sami slipped it off of his shoulders.

“Don’t be, I’m a terrible host.”

“You’re not.” Sami insisted.

“I never even offered you a drink. My mum’d kill me for not having tea on.”

“You live above a cafe, though.”

“It’s still poor taste.” Finn cleared his throat. “What I was trying to say before I got off track was that, had I seen your message, I would’ve probably fallen for you on the spot.”

“Really?” Sami sounded awed.

“Absolutely. ‘Meet up for coffee’, Sami I live above a coffee shop. That was an intentional choice.”

“I thought that you said the rent price was good, though. And the bus line. Isn’t that why you live here?”

“The rent price is fair at best for something a hair bigger than a studio that doesn’t allow for pets. I mostly moved here so that I’d have a steady supply of caffeine between the hours of 6am and 10pm.” Finn laughed. “But I digress. Yes, without a single doubt I would have gladly accepted your invitation to meet up.”

“...Would you still?” Sami’s eyes shone so brightly, his tone hopeful, and Finn felt a lump form his throat. 

“But.” Finn’s brow furrowed as Sami inched closer. “What about Becky?”

“Huh?”

“You’re...aren’t you seeing her?”

“What made you think that?” Sami scratched his beard.

“She gave you her number. You two have been going out, I thought-”

“Oh, well. Yeah, I mean we’ve gone to like two shows together, but that’s it. She knows that I uh...what’s the expression? ‘Play for the other team’? We hang out, that’s it. You’re welcome to come along next time if you want.”

“Well why didn’t she pass that information on to me?!” Finn indignantly exclaimed.

“I mean, I only told her last Wednesday, like after the show was over.”

“So to clarify, you’re not dating Becky.”

“I promise that I’m not dating Becky.” Sami laughed, his elbow now propped up on the back cushion of the loveseat. Eyes cast down, he murmured, “I’d really like to date Becky’s friend, though. Like a lot.”

“Would you-” Finn’s heart hammered in his ears. “Would you...perhaps like to kiss him as well?”

“I’ve wanted to do nothing but that for almost four fucking months now.” Without another word, Finn grabbed ahold of Sami from where he sat and practically crushed their mouths together, arms flailing and hands everywhere until they were finally able to settle down long enough to just hold onto one another. After several minutes, they had to succumb to survival instincts and take a moment to breathe. Finn removed his glasses, as they had fogged up, and set them on the end table. Breathlessly, Sami remarked, “You taste like a masala latte.”

“Alexa hates it that you call it that.” Finn replied with a dazed grin.

“Alexa dislikes a lot of things.” Sami giggled.

“I think she’s just stressed. She’s in one of my classes, and she works very hard even though it’s not her major.” Finn kissed Sami again. And again. “I’m sorry that my couch isn’t very good for making out.”

“It’s OK.” Sami smiled. “I have a couch, too. We can maybe try on that at some point?”

“I-” Finn lifted his head and peaked out the window, the snowfall now heavy, practically replacing the inkiness of the night sky with white. “This may seem quite forward, but maybe you ought to spend the night here.”

“Oh.” Sami’s face went crimson. “Is that...is that OK?”

“You can’t quite go home in that, can you?” Finn pointed towards the window, and Sami craned his neck to follow.

“Oof, it’s really coming down out there, huh? But I don’t really think I’ll fit on this loveseat, do you have an air mattress?”

“I have a regular mattress…” Finn’s face quickly matched Sami’s in hue. 

“Oh, that’s fi-” Sami’s eyes suddenly went wide. “OH.”

“Maybe it’d be more comfortable for the both of us on there? And I’m not saying we have to even do anything, I just think I’d like to lay down as I try to wrap my head around this evening.”

“Right, of course.” Sami agreed. Finn stood, his hands outstretched to help Sami stand up, and were happily accepted. Softly, he remarked. “I’d also like to go on record and state that I totally agree that we don’t have to do anything at all; however, if you were possibly interested in doing something, I’d be really OK with that.”

“Well, in that case, I’d also like to go on record as well and state that I’d be very open to going ahead and possibly exploring our options.” Finn smiled coyly, and he was hastily pulled into another kiss with little warning. Clumsily they made their way together into the bedroom, not daring to break the contact made with their mouths and hands, as they tumbled onto the mattress and into one another’s arms.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If you'd like to know what happened that night, you can read about it here (you need an AO3 account to view it): http://archiveofourown.org/works/7974361


	11. Chapter 11

Vibrations stirred Finn from sleep, and instinctively he reached out towards the nightstand to check his phone, but he stopped in his tracks once his arm brushed up against a bare chest. While his vision was still blurry without his glasses, the light that filtered into the room helped him to make out Sami’s face and messy hair, and he smiled. The vibrations continued, which thwarted the temptation of curling up against Sami’s side and falling back asleep, but from where he was Finn simply couldn’t reach the nightstand. With a grunt, he rolled over and sat up, legs thrown over the edge of the mattress, and his feet made contact with a pair of discarded khaki pants. Another vibration went off, this time against his foot, and Finn leaned over to retrieve the phone out of his pants. With the screen pulled close to his face, he made out an emergency text message alert from work that classes had been cancelled due to the snowstorm.

“Hey,” came Sami’s voice, soft and sleepy and causing Finn’s heart to flutter, and he turned around to look over at him. The phone was cautiously dropped back down onto the pants, and Finn crawled back under the blanket, only interested in occupying the empty space by Sami’s side. Once his head rested on the pillow and they were face to face, they shared a grin.

“Hey,” Finn responded in kind. For a moment, it was quiet, uncertainty almost tangible in the air between them. 

“Your eyes are so blue,” Sami remarked, awe in his voice and on his face. 

“Thank you?” Finn giggled nervously, and reached a hand out to sweep aside a few longer strands of hair that strayed over the side of Sami’s face. “So, I don’t have work today. Sounds like we got buried out there.”

“I should probably post something on Facebook.” Sami leaned into the touch, still making no effort to move otherwise. “Finn?”

“Hm?” Finn hummed as fingertips trailed up and through the rest of Sami’s hair, but the unreadable look that he received made him pause his actions.

“This…” Sami trailed off and swallowed, eye contact now broken as he looked down, and Finn felt his heart caught in his throat. “This wasn’t a one time thing, was it?” 

“Are you ribbing me right now?” Finn rushed out, his head light as tried to process the inquiry, and Sami’s head shot back up in shock, his eyes wide. “Why on Earth would you-”

“N-no!” Sami fumbled, panic in his tone. “I’m sorry, I...last night...I’m sorry. Last night you didn’t...when we were talking.”

“Sami.” Finn moved both hands under the covers and found Sami’s, holding onto them and gave them a squeeze.

“Sorry.” Sami exhaled. “I just...I really like you a lot. I like you so much. And...I’m worried that this is all too good and maybe you don’t like me the way that I like you. Or maybe that you’re not looking for a relationship or a commitment, or maybe not one with me anyway.”

“Is...was that on your mind all night?” Finn whispered, and Sami nodded as he looked away again.

“Yeah, in the back of my head, but that’s also how I operate so I have no idea what to pay attention to when it comes to logic or instinct; it’s always self-deprecating, always noisy and making me doubt myself. And if you didn’t want more, if this is just a one-time thing, I’ll understand, I will. We just...we never clarified it.” There was a pause as Sami seemed to gather his thoughts for what he’d say next. His voice tremored, “And I’d like to know now before I fall any harder for you than I already have.”

Finn freed up his hands, which seemed to make Sami tense up even more than he already was, and they settled on each side of Sami’s face; it was enough to finally get him to look back up, and Finn leaned in, gently touching his lips against Sami’s. It wasn’t until he felt the weight of Sami’s hands rested on his flanks, a signal that there was some level of comfort between them, that Finn broke away. “You’re right. I never told you last night.”

“I made things awkward, didn’t I?” Sami frowned.

“Not at all. I think I did? I was so wound up and lost in you that I didn’t stop to think. Couldn’t keep my mouth off of your’s.” Finn chuckled, and slid his hands down, resting them atop shoulders. “Sami, I like you very much. I liked the look of you when I met you at the record store, I very much liked your personality when you stopped by the cafe and sat with me, and I knew that I was gone for you after we bumped into one another at the concert. When you told me last night, I was so happy and caught up in the moment. I just assumed that you could read my mind or knew what I was trying to convey when we kissed, but I absolutely should have said something. God, I’m so sorry. I’m sorry that you wondered about that all night. I very much so want to be with you.”

"No, it's OK! Really!"

"But it's not OK! You're so good, and I'm so stupid to worry you like that. Is that why you declined my offer from earlier?"

Sami was quiet for a moment, his face now red. "Promise not to laugh?”

“I promise.” Finn held his pinky out and Sami grinned, wrapping his own around it.

“I didn’t want to stop holding onto you last night. I kept telling myself that if this was all that was going to happen, I wanted to hold on for as long as I could, and if it was more than that, it could wait for another time. That probably sounds really pathetic, but it made sense to me.”

“That’s not pathetic at all! How has someone as sweet as you been single? How did I get this lucky?”

“I’m weird?” Sami offered. “I turned down a blowjob. That’s weird, right?”

“Well you’re _my_ type of weird. Sami, I had this whole fantasy a couple weeks back about you coming here, like this was where you lived, and we kissed and asked one another about our days. I couldn’t stop blushing over the idea of a fucking kiss -a greeting kiss- for far too long, far longer than what has to be socially acceptable for a man in his mid 30s.”

“And I’m the sweet one?” Sami pulled Finn in closer, until their chests were touching and legs were tangled. “Did you just listen to yourself?”

“We’re both odd.” Finn giggled. “That’s OK, because we’re both odd together.” 

“Right.” A kissed was planted on the top of Finn’s forehead. “So we’re snowed in, huh?”

“I believe we are. According to Becky, they hardly ever close the school unless it’s basically a state of emergency.” Finn shuddered as Sami’s mouth migrated lower, lips grazing over his neck and causing him to press his body closer. “Could I possibly interest you in some breakfast first?”

“I dunno, it’d have to be something _really_ tempting to convince me to want to get out of bed right now.” Hands migrated around to the lower back, and Finn sharply inhaled.

“Chocolate chip pancakes?”

“You have like no body fat, and you’re expecting me to believe that you possess the stuff to make chocolate chip pancakes?” Sami raised an eyebrow.

“As a matter of fact, I do! I’ve had stuff for a while now, after a shopping trip when I was hungover and homesick. Haven’t really had a chance to make ‘em, though.” 

“Hm…” Hands continued to roam as Sami considered this.

“I can also make hot cocoa.”

“Sold!” Sami released Finn from the hold he had on him.

“Perhaps after breakfast,” Finn kissed Sami’s cheek before he finally got himself out of bed. “I could convince you to reconsider my offer from last night?” 

“Wait, are you offering both breakfast and-”

“Yup.” Finn looked over his shoulder with a smile, worth it to catch the look on Sami’s face, before he passed through the doorway into the living room and towards the kitchenette, first making a detour to the round end table to grab his glasses. Ingredients and necessary mixing equipment were pulled down from the cabinets, the unopened bag of chocolate chips lodged in the way back of the middle shelf and therefore the hardest to find. As he measured out flour and dumped it into the mixing bowl, a pair of arms snuck around his midsection and he giggled. “Wanna help?”

“Well it wouldn’t be fair for you to do all the work.” Sami’s mouth went behind Finn’s ear, and the breath that tickled his earlobe made him shiver.

“Distracting me isn’t going to help, either.”

“What’s distracting about this?” There wasn’t a hint of insincerity in Sami’s inflection, and Finn smiled, pointing over to the ingredients.

“Could you pop that butter in the microwave for about 10 seconds? Then mix it in with a cup of milk and that egg?” 

“Of course.” Every ingredient that Sami touched seemed to be handled with the utmost caution, from the way that milk was measured out to how the egg was cracked, and Finn observed from the corner of his eye the entire time. Wet and dry mixtures were merged together, along with the chocolate chips, and the mixing bowl was placed next to the stovetop; with a ladle, batter was scooped and poured onto a pre-heated skillet. As Finn watched and awaited for tell-tale signs of bubbling with spatula in hand, he yet again was engulfed by arms. Quietly, Sami asked, “Is it OK that I do this?”

“More than OK.” Finn reached his left hand up and rested it on Sami’s forearm. Singlehandedly, Finn was able to flip over the pancakes, got the kettle started, and pulled down two mugs from the cabinet, which Sami took from him and set onto the counter. The heat of the burner below the skillet was turned down, and Finn twisted around so that he was face-to-face with Sami, their noses just grazing, and then the gap between their mouths bridged. The lightest slip of tongue could be felt against Finn’s lower lip, but before it could go any further, the whistle of the kettle interrupted them.

“I swear I’m not trying to distract you,” Sami murmured against Finn’s lips with a smile.

“You’re not.” Finn assured him with another kiss before he turned back around and removed the kettle from its burner, then turned the burner off. By some minor miracle, they were able to successfully use up all of the batter with no incident, Sami’s hands always on Finn, always very welcome although he needed to be assured several times of this. Once the food was plated and the drinks ready, everything was brought over to the small table that sat in front of the large bay window, and side by side they sat on the wooden bench that served as seating. Outside, the snow flurries drifted, every building in view now blanketed in white, and Finn sighed contently as he gazed at the tranquil scene.

“Thank you for cooking.” Sami’s foot brushed up against Finn’s ankle. “It was really good. I’ve never dated anyone before that’s made me breakfast.”

“I’ll make you breakfast anytime you like.” Finn turned his attention to Sami and smiled.

“I can cook too!” Sami insisted. 

“Well, if this snow doesn’t settle down, maybe we’ll have a taste your culinary abilities tonight?”

“What if the snow does settle down?” 

“Well, if the snow _does_ settle down, would you like to join me for dinner tonight?”

“I’d like that.” Sami’s grin was bashful, and Finn slipped a hand under the table and linked their fingers together once they made contact. As the morning carried on, their conversations about interests and hobbies, ideas, and life in general held the same light-hearted tones as they had since they’d met; yet with the newness of the situation that they now shared together, it was not twinged with strangeness or unfamiliarity, but rather comfort and a sense of wonder. Sami examined Finn’s record collection with reverence, action figures were pulled off of bookshelves and played with, and eventually all of the aforementioned was abandoned when they returned to the bedroom again, each kiss laced with a smile, each gasp entwined with laughter.

Later, they lay together and watched the snow fall from the bedroom windows in silence, the world itself had never been more placid than in that very moment. It was still far too early to say for certain what the future held, but as Finn felt his eyelids grow heavy and a heart beat steadily under his ear from where his head rested on Sami’s chest, it was the first time in his many years and miles of traveling that he began to feel himself at home.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading my super self-indulgent fic about boys kissing and a record store in Portsmouth, NH : ) If you're interested in a few fics that are related to the Syncopation-verse, you can check them out [here](http://archiveofourown.org/works/8455972/chapters/19373485)


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